Category: Bad Poetry

Footie ditties

Jurgen, Jurgen, don’t you stop   (to the tune of ‘Horsey, horsey’)

While your fans up on the Kop

Like your grinning when you’re winning

Jurgen Jurgen Jurgen Klopp

and

All the referees are mad    (to the tune of ‘Eviva espagna’ even though he’s Portuguese)

Says Jose Mourinho

Arsene Wenger’s just as bad

Says Jose Mourinho

They just love him in The Shed

Their Jose Mourinho

Even if he fires the Med

Their Jose Mourinho

I’m so special, I’m the one

Says Jose Mourinho

No one tells him when he’s done

That Jose Mourinho

Time and place

Originally I wrote this as a joke back back in the seventies, I had no idea that is might turn out still to be a bit closer to the truth than I had imagined, all these years later

“The time has come to end it all”
he said on looking down.
I’ll leap from this ledge fifty one floors up
Then blackness all around”
In passing by the thirteenth floor
A man leapt into space
A man of dark and flowing locks
A beard upon his face
A man who falling caught him up
And caught him by the ears
And yelled “This is a hijack man
Fly me to Algiers”

January 2015 Poetry Competition

Extract from Winter Complaint by Ogden Nash

I don’t like germs,
But I’ll keep the germs I’ve got.
Will I take a chance of spreading them?
Definitely not.
I sneeze out the window
And I cough up the flue,
And I live like a hermit
Till the germs get through.
And because I’m considerate,
Because I’m wary,
I am treated by my friends
Like Typhoid Mary.

Continue reading “January 2015 Poetry Competition”

Giving thanks

Giving thanks?

It’s what they do in church innit!
Our Father in the larder
Give us our daily bread.
But  thanks for what? For what we got?
For shredded wheat, for shoes on feet?

For rain or sun I understand
For life itself –  the master plan;
For making babies, yeah that’s fun
So thank you God – a job well done Continue reading “Giving thanks”

Ungrateful? Not me!

My thanks to Madiba for giving me democracy
and his able successor, Thabo ~ baai baai danke
For guiding us through those difficult years
took patience and courage to allay people’s fears.

My thanks too to Jacob for steering our ship
no easy task, There could have been many a slip.
A bountiful country with employment for all
Roofs over our heads, public services on call Continue reading “Ungrateful? Not me!”

Hunting

A last minute entry for the poetry competition. Apologies all, it’s one I made earlier but I don’t seem to be in the right frame of mind these days for writing pomes. It may be due to a combination of grandchildren and decorators, and the recent arrival of my elder daughter’s first baby, born a couple of weeks ago, a month earlier than expected. He was born on my birthday so at least it will be easy to remember the date!
Continue reading “Hunting”

Sir Criced

bee_10
When I told my good friend, the pastoral poet Mr B Keeper, that the theme for this month’s poetry competition was animals he said that he will immediately compose one for this special occasion. This is what Poet Laureates do, he claimed. With his kind permission I bring to you his offering. Naturally, this work is ineligible for the competition. After all, Mr B Keeper is a professional poet. Continue reading “Sir Criced”