Author Archive

Reds Under The Bed?

August 22, 2013 22 comments

It seems Ms May has stuck her wrinkly neck out again.

yjavk9I am all for police powers to detain suspect terrorists, don’t get me wrong. But this is a clear cut case of abuse of power and I will bet a pound to a pinch of poo that no copper made the decision to hold the Guardianistas boyfriend for 9 hours on such flimsy grounds. Read more…

Categories: General

A little concerned…

August 21, 2013 5 comments

It seems our crack gun squad federales have bagged themselves a perp who was brandishing a shooter in the manor of Walthamstow.


While on the beat, PC Perkins spotted a litter violation.

“No probs” I hear you say. “The slag had it coming” and I would be inclined to agree.


This particular perp, was not scraped off the kerb and bagged as exhibit A, nor was he bundled into a coroners van and carved up down the morgue. He was put into an ambulance and is now under close arrest in hospital. i.e. he is still breathing. According to the feds, he has gunshot wounds to the arms!!!

Back in the day when they were dumb enough to trust me with bullets, the rules of engagement were very clear on the matter.

Read more…

Categories: General

Hey pal! See you! Shcum so ye are!

August 20, 2013 3 comments

Rab-C-Nesbitt(Apologies to Jay Dubya about the weegie stereotype but he cracks me up.)

The Beeb are most definitely over egging the pudding. In fact I would say there isn’t any pudding just egg.

Apparently this year there is going to be some kind of sports afternoon in ol’ Rab’s neck o the woods.

Yesterday the website selling tickets opened for business then promptly had a seizure and shut down again. The Beeb reports “because of the overwhelming demand … yada yada yada”. It turns out, there were 16,000 people trying to get a ticket. Most of those will be corporates and touts looking to make a quick shilling no doubt and yes some of them will be genuine fans of sport who would like to watch some pillock throw a stick further than another pillock.

Here’s the eggy bit. The Weegie website fell over because 0.025% of the UK population tried to use it.  16K out of 64 million people doesn’t exactly sound like a stampede to me, but the Beeb reckon its a landslide.

On the flip side of the coin. A wee note tae a’ ye sweaties who wad be free.

If you can’t even put together a www page for a “global event” that can withstand a miniscule portion of people looking sideways at it before it self destructs, perhaps being expected to tie your own shoelaces is not for you. Maybe you had better leave things like running a country to the grown ups.

Pedro is Taking the Pish!

August 14, 2013 13 comments

I haven’t fumed this much since Wavey Davey Cambuffoon revealed he was thinking of selling the next generation of UK nuclear power plants to the same Russian monkeys who ran Chernobyl.

Pedro is rattling his sabre over Gibraltar. The sweaty little afternoon napping, paella chomping grease ball is getting into bed with the Argies and persecuting the British people of our sovereign turf. What is Wavey Davey planning to do about it? Go crying to mummy in Brussels of course. Arrrrrghhhh.

Here’s what we do. Pedro has significant interests in the UK. First off, Santander. If you have an account with them, switch. If you have savings, withdraw the piggin’ lot. If you see any sport with the Santander logo on it, support some fecker else and let the team know that you will not return your patronage until they tell Pedro to blow it out of his lazy trasero. Get your onions from somewhere else. If you have a holiday booked for Benidorm, cancel it. Go to Greece or better still Gibraltar. If your neighbour is Spanish, pour weed killer over the fence.

Don’t wait for our slack jawed gubmint to do something about this because you will pass that on to your great grandkids. Get Spain now where it hurts in Pedro’s pocket.

Incidentally I have been telling Fernando Alonso where to get off for years but that is a whole other kettle of chorizo.

Categories: General

Fusion Ferret

March 12, 2013 6 comments

It’s day 1 in the Big Beloved Bruvva Conclave and surprise surprise, the chimney spewed black smoke. Is this why I am more miffed than Chris Huhne’s milkman? Hell no.

What has gripped my ample furry rump is this. Read more…

Spot the common denominator.

November 15, 2012 13 comments

A small group of incompetent civil servants totally screw up the west coast mainline bidding process. Cost of compensating the bidding firms estimated at £40M. Do those responsible pay or does the tax payer.

A few editors and newshounds, ultimately traceable, air a program outing an old man as a rampant kiddy fiddler without actually checking any of the facts. The Beeb is to be taken to court. Do those responsible pay or the licence fee payer.

A greedy shameless so called peer of the realm runs up extravagant official credit card bills of £286,000. Is he being taken to task or are they dropping the investigation and writing the debt off at the expense of the tax payer?

An MP decides she can better serve her constituents by getting her ugly mug on a jungle reality game show. She is going to pocket the ITV payment (minimum £10,000) but has pledged to give her MP wages for the 3 weeks to charity. Does the arrogant witch get to choose what to do with the public money or should payment be witheld and used by the penniless public purse?

A self absorbed MP discovers that by lying about which of her 3 properties is her second home, she can get 10s of 1000s of our cash to do up her beachhouse. When taken to task she claims to be mentally ill and unable to face trial. Will the tax payer ever see that money again?

I could go on but I think there is enough to establish a thread. Grrrrrr

Categories: General

Taking the Pish.

October 11, 2012 18 comments

How can Rangers sell shares in the club when the administrators have the reins?
They claim to be debt free yet the latest release is that ‘Gers owes the tax man alone, as near as makes few odds 100 million. I smell corporate dodgy dealing.

On a similar note I see with utter disgust that Newcastle United, my local bunch of overpaid, over-bouffanted narcissists have signed a deal with scumbag predatory loansharks Wonga. The ‘fans’ don’t give much of a hoot because part of the deal means the stadium will revert to St James Park. It seems the cash could come from a rich paedophile or a Coloumbian Cartel and no-one would bat an eye as long as the name was changed from Sports Direct Arena.

Honestly I despair.

Categories: Sport

Erm excuse me…

June 20, 2012 13 comments

So our hard working, honest and conscientious ministers are to boycot the Euro 2012 football farce.

But if we should scrape through to the semis in Poland they will attend because the Poles are nice and the Ukes are nasty.

My thought is this, why are they going on a freebie ticket to watch any sport when we are supposed to be saving every tax penny? What political boon is there to them showing their embezzling, weasel faces at any game? That’s right you heard me, GAME.

Yet even more proof, were it ever required that these morons do not inhabit the same planet as the rest of us.

Categories: General

I’m no financier but….

February 23, 2012 11 comments

even I can deduce that a business which haemorrhages money at double the rate it did last year to the tune of 2Bn smackeroonies is most definitely circling the drain.

Mr Osborne on the other hand says that this is a sure sign that the bank is on track. WTF?????????? Read more…

Categories: General

Can you afford fries with that?

February 20, 2012 23 comments

Heston Bloomin’eck is to put a new dish on the menu.

Burger in a bun.

Nothing special there I hear you say, perhaps not. The aim of the creator of this burger is that it appears NO different to any other burger you might purchase.

If he gets it right the only difference will be when l’addition drops onto the table with a thud. £207,000 quid please.

Categories: General