Didn’t Happen #2

The study of ancient life. Backwards thinking. Theorising about old rags and bones. Fossil finders that CGi their lucky strikes and make big lizards. I will make a compelling case to argue that dinosaurs didn’t exist.

We’ll start with the skeletons in the closet. Their girth. These big truckers wouldn’t fit in a cloakroom. Then there’s the fact that there are no big beasts around today already throws up a red flag. None of them thawed from the ice! Not one. Not one, from this enormous pack of behemoths, not one had the resilience of a bug. Also, why did the bonefinders generals make them so big. From twigs and ribs they modeled these creatures. This bit goes here, that bit goes there, we’ll put scales on this one. a tail on that one. By Crichton, they airfixed these monsters to ridiculous sizes. Being so huge they would have ran out of food. This, I suppose, is a compelling case for their extinction if they lived in the first place.

Now we move to Animal Planet content. The puritan Paleontologists didn’t place genitalia on their specialized subjects. Go on, give me one example in any museum or Jurassic park franchise where there’s a Dr Manhattan strutting about. Obviously, taking their cue from ancient Greek sculptures and hoping to cash in at the cinema with a G rating they decided that fig leaves were not an option so, boof, there goes your family allowance. The lack of sexual organs is a good a reason as any for non-existence. No T-rexctasy.

The magical world of dinosaurs is populated by giants of all stripes. We’ve got flying saurs, water living saurs, plant eating saurs, nesting saurs, John Le Mesurier. It’s all too orderly for me. The majority have bought this scam. Dooursaurs agree? We’ll see. In this place, all our dinosaurs are missing. None of them blog in this period. Come on, get the stone tablets out and get chiseling. Bronto!

Shed

Sorry folks, another haircut blog. Well, we could be entering LD 2..
I pine for Glynis Barber again.


And she pines for me (yeah right, sub-editor comment)

Sheds are not for me. I’ll leave the carpentry and their abrasives to the Aussies. I’m a fringe guy born and bred; straight and to the front Trouble is Greta could be right. The crow’s feet, sorry, nest has sighted rising tides. By Gore, I’m going to have an island at the forefront of my bonce.

Don’t bother me none. It will rule the waves And it has a dashing, crashing coo’s lick promontory.

Les Voyages en Train

I like the idea of rail travel. In fact, I had considered booking a rail holiday from Chicago to Sacramento earlier this year. This being 2020, that didn’t happen. In fact, not very much of what I had planned actually took place this year. In fact, I ended up living in a country I had little desire to visit. But this is 2020 and one can’t change that.

I travelled by rail this summer. I travelled by rail a lot. Flights, while growing in frequency and reliability, are still sporadic and prone to cancellations. Carriers have taken full advantage of the chaos to continue offering flights only to cancel them at the last moment. The EU has relaxed regulations on the air industry in light of the chaos. This can mean only one thing: carriers hold onto money for as long as they possibly can before issuing refunds.

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Where Did Everyone Go?

It’s been some time now since I’ve seen any new posts, any new comments or even any new gratuitous insults. What happened?

Could it all be a symptom of “lockdown?” How do people spend their locked-down time anyway? The first things occurring to my alleged mind would be eating, drinking and sexing. With none but my own experience to offer, I can say that: (1) I’m not eating very much at the moment, and that mainly soup or extremely soft food, due largely to some extensive (and expensive) oral surgery I’ve recently had, (2) I’ve never been that much of a drinker anyway, even though at the moment I’d rather like a very small glass of my treasured Islay malt, despite it being still somewhat early in the day, and (3) What was that other thing?

Or has everyone on this site been carried off by the dread Coronavirus? Hopefully not! I myself am having nothing to do with COVID-19 and am holding out for COVID-27.

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Destroying History and Civilization

Before I begin, let me say that my own hands are clean. My family background is mostly Swedish and none of my known ancestors was ever involved with slavery of mistreatment of darker-skinned people. I have nothing against black people per se  and judge individuals more by the content of their heads than by the skin covering them. Indeed, I have known a number of blacks whom I considered friends.

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Chaos and Chuckles

I hadn’t originally intended to fly to Germany, but it became necessary due to a family emergency. It was initially supposed to be for a few weeks, a month at most. Ultimately, it dragged on for over two months due to constant flight cancellations and the travel situation on the Continent. Usually, arranging for travel by train wouldn’t be difficult. But, as Germany. the Netherlands and France agreed to keep their borders closed until 15 June for all but essential travel, that was postponed until then. Continue reading “Chaos and Chuckles”

Vale, Dame Vera

Dame Vera Lynn passed away at a spry, youthful 103. She was one of the last members of a great generation, a generation that went through the Great Depression, the Second World War and the Cold War. She represented something increasingly rare in today’s vulgar world: class, decency, humility and grace. Even though she has not recorded new music for some time, her retirement was well-earned and she certainly accomplished more than enough in her lifetime, the fact that she remains so instantly recognisable, so well-loved, stands as a testament to her great talent and presence. She will be missed.