Author Archive

KCTMO – Playing with fire!

June 14, 2017 36 comments

I know we don’t just post other people’s articles here normally, but there is little one can add to this –

KCTMO – Playing with fire!

Categories: General

June 8th General election

April 18, 2017 12 comments
This could be funny. As the election bill goes against the fixed parliamentary term bill, it will need a two thirds majority to pass through the house. As Labour, the Lib Dems and the Snp will all stand to lose out big time, we could see all the opposition parties voting to keep the Tories in power by voting not to have a general election. Shrewd move  Mrs M. 
Categories: General

This is from “The Cornish news”

March 25, 2017 7 comments

An elderly man was left furious yesterday after a seagull stole his false teeth.

Dave Pascoe, from Hayle witnessed the incident, he said “I was sat outside the pub, by the red phone box looking at the harbour. There was an elderly man, he must have been in his eighties eating a really big sub roll sandwich. As usual, there were loads of seagulls flying round and I suddenly saw one swoop towards him and grab his sandwich. The bird flew off with the roll and something fell out of the man’s mouth. It all happened so fast, the man swung for the bird, missed, then did a double take as he looked at the object on the floor and with this weird voice, shouted “My teeth!” It was his false teeth on the floor! I think he was biting the sandwich when the seagull pulled it from his hands, taking his full set of top teeth out in the process. As he bent down onto the cobble road and scrambled for his dentures, another seagull swooped down, picked up his teeth and flew off out to sea, following the other bird holding his sandwich! The man looked really angry and was waving his fist, yelling and swearing “Give me my fu**ing teeth back!” I felt bad that I couldn’t stop laughing, but seeing the man double take at his teeth and then shout “My teeth!” was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I have no Idea who he was, but he looked at me and said “That’s right, you laugh! Luckily I’ve got a spare at home!” He then calmed down and burst out laughing, mumbling “Bleddy seagulls” before walking back towards the town.

The RSPB are calling for the government to introduce bylaws that fine people who feed gulls in urban areas to help combat the rising number of seagull attacks in Cornwall.

Categories: General

A nice little story from the NZ Farming site today

January 15, 2017 18 comments

A car pulls up in front of our driveway this morning, while I’m shovelling almond hulls down the front and a lady gets out and asks for directions
I pointed her in the right direction and I prepared to get back to my shovelling Then I hear
” have cows how lovely, I’m a vegan”
I’m thinking great, this is all I need with 750kgs of almonds to shovel, so I answer with
” Yes we run a dairy farm. Thank you, yes they are lovely” while thinking that I was being unusually polite, for me.
“I think cows are lovely but they need to be free & I only drink almond milk & milking them is cruel” she says.
I’m thinking, hmmm ……. so I answer with
“Oh, but our cows produce almond milk, see what I’m shovelling? That’s almond hulls and we feed those to the cows & they give us almond milk” –
Surely I have gone too far with that one, no one would believe that
“My gosh” she squeals ” how wonderful I’ll have to tell my friends about this farm”
Shit. I’m hoping she has no idea how to find our place again. I really enjoyed shovelling the rest of hulls this morning after that effort.

Made smile anyway.

Categories: General

Mutiny on the Harmony

January 12, 2017 15 comments

I found this on the web a little while ago and it brought back a few memories, courtesy of the website of Mr Ambrose- Jones, who joined as the replacement Chief Officer.

I joined the London Harmony as an apprentice deck officer at the tender age of seventeen. As apprentices we worked with the crew for most of the time, which didn’t make it the most comfortable place to be on the ship when the crew mutinied. It did, however, rapidly improve my observational powers when walking around on the main deck alone.

This is Mr Ambrose-Jones account of the events that took place after he joined the ship


London Harmony Incident Read more…

Categories: General

April poetry comp

April 28, 2015 3 comments

’tis but two days til the closing date of the sea theme so don’t stay clammed up.

Winkle out your laptops, plaice your dabs on your keyboard and pour out your sole, because we’re looking forward to herring from you

Categories: General

Our brilliant legislators

April 23, 2015 14 comments
Bought a car from somebody who parks on the street?  Under the new DVLA rules you’ve broken the law!
When the rules on car tax changed last year, anyone selling a car has to notify the DVLA. The DVLA will automatically refund the seller the price of any “complete” months left (which will not include the month you actually sold the car because, there isn’t a “complete” month left)You as the buyer have to tax the car before you can use it. If the previous owner parks on the street, you can’t drive the car away because you can’t use it ’til it’s taxed, but parking unlicensed vehicles on a public highway is an offence. So, drive it away or leave it there, either way you’re committing an offence.

The fact that the DVLA has now been paid twice for the same month (because you must tax it from the day you bought it and the DVLA has not refunded the previous owner for that month) has nothing to do with it.

Stupid stuff eh? Nobody is going to enforce such silly rules are they? Fines and towaways have gone up from an average 5000 per month to approx 8000.

Categories: General

Brittany shadows

April 22, 2015 7 comments

My pointed attempt at Arrers competition


Categories: General

April Pome Competition

April 9, 2015 18 comments

Thank you Christopher for this entirely unexpected honour.

I would like to thank so many people for making this possible, including my parents, my grandparents and my long term partner, my laptop. Of course I must include his parents, especially his father, Charles Babbage (even though the DNA tests have proved rather inconclusive so far) but without whom none of this would have been possible.

So to a new lyrical challenge.
Because I live by it, worked on it and look at it every day it is,
“The Sea”

Could be anything in it, on it or around it. Anything that floats in it or anything that doesn’t. Could also include any plaice near it, so cast your doubts aside one and all and have a go, just for the halibut.

As required by any one of innumerable EU regulations entries are best before 01/05/2015.

Categories: Competition, General

Time and place

March 30, 2015 7 comments

Originally I wrote this as a joke back back in the seventies, I had no idea that is might turn out still to be a bit closer to the truth than I had imagined, all these years later

“The time has come to end it all”
he said on looking down.
I’ll leap from this ledge fifty one floors up
Then blackness all around”
In passing by the thirteenth floor
A man leapt into space
A man of dark and flowing locks
A beard upon his face
A man who falling caught him up
And caught him by the ears
And yelled “This is a hijack man
Fly me to Algiers”

Categories: Bad Poetry, General