I know we don’t just post other people’s articles here normally, but there is little one can add to this –
An elderly man was left furious yesterday after a seagull stole his false teeth.
Dave Pascoe, from Hayle witnessed the incident, he said “I was sat outside the pub, by the red phone box looking at the harbour. There was an elderly man, he must have been in his eighties eating a really big sub roll sandwich. As usual, there were loads of seagulls flying round and I suddenly saw one swoop towards him and grab his sandwich. The bird flew off with the roll and something fell out of the man’s mouth. It all happened so fast, the man swung for the bird, missed, then did a double take as he looked at the object on the floor and with this weird voice, shouted “My teeth!” It was his false teeth on the floor! I think he was biting the sandwich when the seagull pulled it from his hands, taking his full set of top teeth out in the process. As he bent down onto the cobble road and scrambled for his dentures, another seagull swooped down, picked up his teeth and flew off out to sea, following the other bird holding his sandwich! The man looked really angry and was waving his fist, yelling and swearing “Give me my fu**ing teeth back!” I felt bad that I couldn’t stop laughing, but seeing the man double take at his teeth and then shout “My teeth!” was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! I have no Idea who he was, but he looked at me and said “That’s right, you laugh! Luckily I’ve got a spare at home!” He then calmed down and burst out laughing, mumbling “Bleddy seagulls” before walking back towards the town.
The RSPB are calling for the government to introduce bylaws that fine people who feed gulls in urban areas to help combat the rising number of seagull attacks in Cornwall.
A car pulls up in front of our driveway this morning, while I’m shovelling almond hulls down the front and a lady gets out and asks for directions
I pointed her in the right direction and I prepared to get back to my shovelling Then I hear
” Oh.you have cows how lovely, I’m a vegan”
I’m thinking great, this is all I need with 750kgs of almonds to shovel, so I answer with
” Yes we run a dairy farm. Thank you, yes they are lovely” while thinking that I was being unusually polite, for me.
“I think cows are lovely but they need to be free & I only drink almond milk & milking them is cruel” she says.
I’m thinking, hmmm ……. so I answer with
“Oh, but our cows produce almond milk, see what I’m shovelling? That’s almond hulls and we feed those to the cows & they give us almond milk” –
Surely I have gone too far with that one, no one would believe that
“My gosh” she squeals ” how wonderful I’ll have to tell my friends about this farm”
Shit. I’m hoping she has no idea how to find our place again. I really enjoyed shovelling the rest of hulls this morning after that effort.
Made smile anyway.
I found this on the web a little while ago and it brought back a few memories, courtesy of the website of Mr Ambrose- Jones, who joined as the replacement Chief Officer.
I joined the London Harmony as an apprentice deck officer at the tender age of seventeen. As apprentices we worked with the crew for most of the time, which didn’t make it the most comfortable place to be on the ship when the crew mutinied. It did, however, rapidly improve my observational powers when walking around on the main deck alone.
This is Mr Ambrose-Jones account of the events that took place after he joined the ship
London Harmony Incident Continue reading “Mutiny on the Harmony”
’tis but two days til the closing date of the sea theme so don’t stay clammed up.
Winkle out your laptops, plaice your dabs on your keyboard and pour out your sole, because we’re looking forward to herring from you
Thank you Christopher for this entirely unexpected honour.
I would like to thank so many people for making this possible, including my parents, my grandparents and my long term partner, my laptop. Of course I must include his parents, especially his father, Charles Babbage (even though the DNA tests have proved rather inconclusive so far) but without whom none of this would have been possible.
So to a new lyrical challenge.
Because I live by it, worked on it and look at it every day it is,
Could be anything in it, on it or around it. Anything that floats in it or anything that doesn’t. Could also include any plaice near it, so cast your doubts aside one and all and have a go, just for the halibut.
As required by any one of innumerable EU regulations entries are best before 01/05/2015.
Originally I wrote this as a joke back back in the seventies, I had no idea that is might turn out still to be a bit closer to the truth than I had imagined, all these years later
“The time has come to end it all”
he said on looking down.
I’ll leap from this ledge fifty one floors up
Then blackness all around”
In passing by the thirteenth floor
A man leapt into space
A man of dark and flowing locks
A beard upon his face
A man who falling caught him up
And caught him by the ears
And yelled “This is a hijack man
Fly me to Algiers”