theroyalist

There’s not a team like the Glasgow Rangers

“Let the others come after us. We welcome the chase.” – Bill Struth, legendary Rangers manager.

Congratulations to Glasgow Rangers on winning the Scottish Championship and being promoted to the top tier of Scottish football. Well played, Rangers.

If you’re not from the west of Scotland it’s hard to explain the passion of being a supporter of the world’s most successful football club. Quintessentially British, Rangers are more than a club, they are an institution. My grandfather supported Rangers, my old man supported Rangers, I support Rangers and my sons support Rangers. You don’t need to ask who the unborn grandweans will support. It’s a Rangers family thing. And there’s hundreds of thousands of Rangers families like that. Now we’re back where we belong, next season we’re going for title 55.

History. We’re Rangers, we’ve got plenty of that.

Newfound stuff of old

Discovered on my hard drive’s page 7 was a TV film from last year, An Inspector Calls. I swivered over whether to delete or not. Not got the verdict and I watched.

The play in question was part of my English O grade course a few Keith Moons ago. I couldn’t remember anything about it as, during the readings, I was too busy throwing paper planes and making passes, unrequited I must add, at my beloved Lillian. Therefore, the story was all new to me.

I’d give it a six out of ten. Criticisms were that the Birling family must have been well birling not to ask to see the Inspector’s I.D. And David Thewlis, the actor playing the Inspector, had all the charisma of a stopped clock.

Still, like Columbus, it’s good to discover. And that’s one play less to score off my play list. Now, away to rummage in the loft and see if there’s any old DVDs still in the wrappers. I’m sure there’s a Dustin Hoffman Death of a Salesman gathering dust up there.

A Square Go

It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? And it was Time magazine that stated in this week’s issue.

“In a milestone for AI, a google program beat South Korean grand master Lee Sodol at the strategy game GO on March 15. But machines have been mastering board games since the 1970s”

Awhile ago I wrote a blog about the Chinese game of Go on these pages. Nosey parkers that they are, I am sure that was the reason google made the super program. They love it when they beat humans, love it. They’re making driverless cars. They love it. Famously, the Deep Blue computer beat Garry Kasparov at chess but google have went one move further with their Go victory. They’re loving every minute of it.

The only thing that humans have left is Battleships. There’s not a computer programme made or ever will be made that can come anywhere near the standard of some of the truly great Battleship players of this era.

Better than Bradders?

Statistics don’t lie, do they? The higher the batting average the better the player. Top of the list of Test cricket’s batting averages is Andy Ganteaume. The Trinidadian played one test for the West Indies v England in 1948 and scored 112. The politics at the time prevented him playing any more tests so his average remains the best.

Andy joked he was a “one cap wonder” and kept his feelings to himself until 59 years later he complained bitterly about “the establishment” in his autobiography, My Story, The Other Side of the Coin. He died on February 17, 2016 aged 95.

Not better than Bradman, of course, but it’s better to be a one cap wonder or a one hit wonder or a one day wonder than being no wonder at all. Well played, Andy.

Little lies, big lies and a beautiful disguise

There are two things that screenplay writers script that smack of laziness and just an excuse to kill time; much like having to write a 2,000 word essay and filling it up with verbiage and periphrasis. One of them is the reading of the Miranda rights to a suspect. By now you can go and make a cup of tea while the cops quote the full speech. “..If you can’t afford an attorney-” cetra, cetra. The other thing is the lie detector test.

How many times have you heard the deflating dialogue that states “a polygraph test is inadmissible in court.” Nhhhhhhhh. The lie detector test could well be the most useless thing ever invented… if we exclude rugby from the list. (upsetting the ruggeristas is a sure fire way to get a comment, even if it is a rebuke)

The pioneer of the modern polygraph was William Moulton Marston. His original research was expounded upon and “bettered” by other scientists though he is credited with being the father of the machine that felons fake their way through with a steady heartbeat.

However, our Willie wasn’t a one-trick filly. He also invented Wonder Woman. Continue reading “Little lies, big lies and a beautiful disguise”

Everything will be alright

The man of many disguises, David Bowie, has created more personas than there are characters in the Honoré de Balzac La Comédie humaine collection. Furthermore, the biblical proportions of Cecil B. DeMille’s extras are sparse in comparison with The Ziggy Aladdin Duke’s creations. He did the lot. He sang, he wrote songs, lyrics, performed live, he narrated, he mimed, he acted, he painted. He gayed, he ungayed. He married a model. He was a father, he pushed prams.

Bowie’s music spanned the whole universe of genres. While not many of us are like Midge Ure and love the complete Bowie cake, there are slices of it that taste beautiful. This little gem was released in beware the savage jaw of 1984. A song that always cheers me up.

Travelling through different dimensions

If you’re insane, do you know you’re insane?

If you can withstand pain, where is the pain?

If you’re a zombie, what is a zombie?

If you’re ugly, why are you ugly?

If you can work any of these out, you’re a better worker outer than me.

A Month of 20/20

It’s fair to assume that the cricket lovers in this house prefer Test match cricket over the other formats and rightly so. Still, T20 is the only game in town at the moment. The T20 World Cup starts tomorrow in India with a few juicy ties.

Hong Kong v Zimbabwe

Afghanistan v Scotland

These are, what the organisers have called, group stage matches. The big boys don’t come into play until later, in the Super 10 phase. Understandably, the winner usually comes from one of the bigger teams. This time round I’m going to stick my neck out and pick an outsider. For me, England can go all the way. And if not them I hope it’s The Netherlands.

That’s not music, this is music

Slayer is a way of life.

Of the big four, they play the purest form of Thrash Metal. Mozart was, allegedly, accused of making too many notes. I would Eden Hazard a guess that a four minute Slayer song will have more notes in it than any of Agadoos’ symphonies. The speed and intricacy of the guitar solos are mesmerising. Memorising them is a walk on part for these guitar geniuses.

Then there’s the drums. You don’t get many double bass drums in classical music. That would be a drum too far for those “virtuosos”. They couldn’t keep up to our beat.

The bassist/singer of Slayer, Tomas Enrique Araya Diaz, might look like a Billy Connolly lookalike but this Big Tam was born in Chile. There’s a lot of nice wines come from Chile. No really, there is. I don’t know if it’s Global Warming, Climate Change or Alec Salmond, there’s something in the chilled Chile that slays the opposition.

Parental guidance. The following video contains swearing.

Live Fast. On High. Repentless. Let it Ride.

Play it Loud.

Greatest Year

In the author’s opinion 1953 was the greatest year in human history. The list below gives an indication of some of thee historic events in that calendar year. There wasn’t enough room to mention more though I dare say the lot of you well remember this was the year of Myxomatosis in the UK. Tic-tac-toe, it was not.