Status Quo 1979 vintage. Boredom, isolation, exiled for tax reasons. Not themes that are grounds for prohibition. Yet this bland little number by The Quo has murky undertones and wasn’t banned by the Beeb. Well played, Quo.
Nobody ever has a bad word to say about Nostradamus. Indeed, volumes and volumes of books have been written about this arch-predictor of future events. That should be enough for my argument that astrologers are relevant and prophets of the first division (now called The Premier League but old habits and that) but I will write further of their great service to humanity.
It is a fascinating science the study of astrology and in the morning I fervently read all the newspaper horoscopers that divine the day I am going to have. Using their foreknowledge I know whether to get up out of bed or not. Pre-warned means I can change the road of my life without any Frostian gambles and avoid the pitfalls, so you seer they do serve a purpose.
The celestial language employed by these mighty sages make you want to tail it like a comet to your nearest telescope and gaze at the stars. “The five moons of Pluto are converging , this means pentagonal good luck for you.” Thanks a bunch of fives, Mystic Meghan. Who knew the Kuiper-belted dwarf planet Pluto had five moons? And that their names have Underworld connotations. It’s just so interesting. Our big bad planet has only one moon and it’s boringly called- the moon.
There’s a thing called a cusp which gives you the characteristics of two signs of the Zodiac. Quasar! You can be a crabby twin or a lion and a virgin at the same time. The cusp word is one of my favourites as is the phrase “on the cusp”. Without any modesty I attest that “on the cusp of greatness” is applicable to me. Nearly there.
Horoscope is a fine word but I would prefer the more scarier Horrorscope to be used when there’s writing on the wall. Ominous words daily for all twelve signs would make the population take notice that this world is rough and we ain’t all called Sue. Continue reading “Underrated: Horoscopes”
In a couplahundrend million years or so, according to the DM, our soon-to-be-former-Euromates Spain will be cheek-by-jowl with Kenya, GB with Morocco, Alaska will be a lot warmer, penguins will overrun Chile, the Alps will be cosying up to the Himalayas – and OZ? Land-locked! No worries there then – except perhaps from China.
The 1914/18 war was always in monochrome; and film footage always depicted armies marching in double time, gesticulating like robots. But all that has changed, thanks to the modern technology Peter Jackson has deployed to shocking effect. I cannot imagine the reality of blood and guts in the trenches when the whole picture is revealed. Lest we forget? After this we never will.
Yes, dear reader, it’s a tradition. A society wedding like tomorrow’s is larger-than-life, extravagant to a fault and (dare one say) more than a little vulgar. And that’s only the bride’s mother. At least our favourite iconoclast, Prince Philip, seems likely to avoid her altogether. Will he want to sit next to her? He’ll decide when he wakes up. Camilla has already made her choice – to stay away, citing other ‘duties’. Luckily for his new in-laws, the groom is able to keep them in the manner to which they have always aspired. Jolly good match, what, what?
Lost a fiver today.
It’s alright, don’t feel sorry for me. It was my own fault. Fell out my pocket. Not got a Clouseau where it went. Like Cato the Younger I took this hit with a resigned Hardy look at the fourth wall and remembered the famous Roman quote by Marcus Porcius Cato Uticensis “What’s for you will never go by you.” Though I’m sure it was originally in Latin,
Quid Leatherus testamus numquam Cheerioyou.
What we need to know is whether you’re going to meet our African correspondent in the flesh. And if you do, will you reveal anything to help us guess how real his Chariot persona really is? Intriguing stuff, eh?
From the reviews.
“This is like an immortal dog. It is unputdownable.” (London Review of Books)
“You’ll See Us outjoyces Joyce, checkmates Chekov, Guy Fawkesy du Maupassant and shakes the Speare.” (Times Literary supplement)
“To read this you can’t be in your right mind. For wrong-minded readers only.” (Glaswegian Gallus Gazette)
Occasionally, they let me out. Having been a good boy and jested less than usual the asylum gave me a free day pass, yet told me I could only stay out for one. Doesn’t add up. Continue reading “You’ll See Us”