theroyalist

Poor fare at the Proms

Now that I’ve managed to calm myself down it’s time to talk about my disappointment at Saturday’s Last Night at the Proms. From the off let’s get it straight I am no classical aficionado I’m only here for the flag waving and sing-songs. When I hear classical music I automatically think of Tom and Jerry and the high jinks they’d be up to. Therefore, I only tune in when the patriotic party stuff starts. Unfortunately, it didn’t live up to previous occasions. Continue reading “Poor fare at the Proms”

“You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Mercedes-Benz”

Imagine waking up to that on a Sunday morning.

First things first. Let’s talk Megadeth.

Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine strides through the world of Heavy Metal like a God. “(Metal music) is about doing something no one else does,” Mustaine said. Musty has no tattoos. And that’s totally metal. The title of this blog is the reply he gave to an interviewer when asked why he hasn’t been inked. Consider this viewpoint when looking at the illustrated body of the dimpled-cheeked, old banger of a Northern lass, Cheryl Cole.

Using Cheryl’s bum as the flimsiest excuse to bring metal to the Chariot masses, press the more button if you want to hear a Megadeth video. Go on, you know you want to. Continue reading ““You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Mercedes-Benz””

Overrated: Fountains

Decorative fountains are one of those things that nobody can walk past without looking at or commenting on favourably. “Spectacular” “Lovely” “Beautiful” “Majestic” jabba, jabba, jabba. When you get to the Davy Jones’s Locker of it you’ll find it’s only a fancy water display. A waste of space, a waste of time and a waste of water. Don’t give me the recycle argument. There must be spillage and water will be seeping away, no matter how much you try to dam it. Continue reading “Overrated: Fountains”

Oberon and Titania watched by a Harridan

The stock in trade of painter Richard Dadd (1817-1886) was fairies as depicted in his most famous work The Fairy Fellers Master-Stroke. The multiple characters in the painting were immortalised on vinyl by the rock band Queen on their eponymous second album Queen II. Dadd’s picture is filled with tiny, meticulous detail and was nine years in the making but remained unfinished at his death. This is yet another one of those unfinished Master-Strokes that artistes leave lying around. The painter wrote a guide book about the painting signifying the various tasks assigned to the hundreds of fairies he had illustrated. Continue reading “Oberon and Titania watched by a Harridan”

Make Bales of hay while the sun shines

The last minute transfer scramble on football’s deadline day continues to keep aficionados glued to the TV screen in the hope their club has landed a big fish. The cash is splashed without a care in the world. During this transfer window English clubs spent a record £630 million on players! It’s no secret I’m a football fan myself but even I find the money Real Madrid forked out on Gareth Bale beyond the pale. Gareth, fine player that he is, will take home a cool £300,000 a week in wages. No doubt, there will be other bonuses and perks in the small print to boost his coffers.

When will this Madness stop? When will the limit be reached? There is no way this can be sustained. Throughout Europe there have been teams that have faced financial difficulties and gone to the wall. Some of these clubs have dallied in the upper reaches of the game but what needs to happen is for a Real Madrid or a Manchester United to get into trouble before sanity, and lower pricing structures, comes into force.

Epic (September poetry competition)

Now for something completely different. This month’s poetry competition will follow in the footsteps of the Epic poems of the past. Think Odyssey, Think Inferno. Think Paradise Lost. OK, enough thinking. The title is Earth, subtitled stranger visits third rock from the sun.

An alien, let’s call him Marvin, has landed on Earth. He is met by Ferdinand Magellan, an immortal who still lives in our present times (poetic license and all that). The circumnavigator agrees to take Marvin on a tour of this planet. Authors are invited to submit poems on the various places FM thinks will interest the foreigner. This could be a country (Latvia), a sports ground or arena (the WACA/ Royal Albert Hall), a breed of cattle (Texas Longhorn). The world is your oyster, you decide. They don’t have to be fun poems, a little bit of tragedy adds to the mix.

Multiple entries are most welcome and can be in any format. Dialogue and blank verse will be accepted, this is an Epic after all. Don’t worry about the continuity of the poems vis-à-vis locations, it’s not like in Ferdinand’s day, Marvin has a space ship so the duo can zap from one side of the globe to the other, swiftly.

I suggest poems are published separately and linked to this page. This gives readers the chance to comment on the individual entries. At the bottom of this post I will copy the entries and the huge Epic poem will grow. In a further twist from the norm I hope no one minds if I contribute a poem or two of my own. Naturally, after the closing date I won’t vote myself the winner!

Closing date: Midnight UK time, Friday 27th September.

Earth
stranger visits third rock from the sun Continue reading “Epic (September poetry competition)”

Superheroes and Villains

One of the advantages of a multi-author site is in the variety of posts. While we may not like all the flavourings, there’s still much to savour. We all have our areas of expertise and they should be respected as such. We have specialists on a wide range of topics. Some of them maybe not as important as others. This doesn’t matter, you never know when a useless piece of information can come in handy.

One of my strong points is my wealth of knowledge about the graphic comics world, specifically Marvel Comics, particularly the 70’s and 80’s; referred to in the industry as the Bronze Age of Comic Books. I may have lost the frisson on the reading of a Marvel nowadays but I still possess Galactusian information about the brand. You know how it is. Sometimes you can process certain data and recall it with astonishing ease depending on whether a subject interests you or not. The exciting escapades of the costumed characters captivated me through childhood. N.B. Stan Lee loved his alliteration. Continue reading “Superheroes and Villains”

Third Man

It’s like a tourist visiting London and not going to Buckingham Palace.
Like going to Blackpool and avoiding the pleasure beach.
It’s like passing a discarded trampoline without having a jump on it.
It’s like seeing a ball in the street and not doing a spot of keepie-uppie with it.
It’s like espying a skip and not having a nosy in it.
So why, oh, why would you go to the moon and not have a walk on it?

On July 1969 the lunar module of Apollo 11, allegedly, landed on the moon. Continue reading “Third Man”

Interlude

Me and Chibber were on the subway the other day. By subway that might mean the underground to you or the tube station. I don’t know, I‘m not cosmopolitan. Anyway, we’re sitting there and a woman is sitting directly across from us and her hands are stitching a piece of yarn like nobody’s business. She’s nonchalantly staring into space while the hands are going at Burlington Bertie, a hundred to thirty.

“She’s a good knitter, isn’t she?” I said to Chibber, who replied.

“She’s crocheting.”

As soon as he said this he wanted the ground to swallow him up even though we were already underground. How did he know the difference?

Summer Caving (August poetry competition)

I know you lot are quite a bit older than me so this generation’s offering might not be for you. The Neutron bomb, although old enough to be our big sister, did it for us. Grease is the word.

Summer Caving

Summer caving, had us a whack
Summer caving, me, Debbie and Jack Black
We got fed up with the beach
So we went somewhere out of reach
Summer caving, in the depths
To, uh oh, those summer caves Continue reading “Summer Caving (August poetry competition)”