Now that I’ve managed to calm myself down it’s time to talk about my disappointment at Saturday’s Last Night at the Proms. From the off let’s get it straight I am no classical aficionado I’m only here for the flag waving and sing-songs. When I hear classical music I automatically think of Tom and Jerry and the high jinks they’d be up to. Therefore, I only tune in when the patriotic party stuff starts. Unfortunately, it didn’t live up to previous occasions.
It seemed that there was a woman conductor at the Last Night for the first time. I hadn’t noticed the lady until her speech. I mean, conductors, it’s all just a case of “Tickets Please” innit. Seriously though, I fail to see the kudos and importance given to the conductor. She’s only waving a baton in the air not strumming a harpsichord or blowing on a recorder or hypotenusing a triangle. These are the skilled performers, are they not? If the musicians can’t keep time without constantly being signalled they shouldn’t be there. A rock band goes 3,4 and then into the song; that’s all there is to it. All the Prom orchestra needs is someone to count them in. And if it’s going to be a woman, Rachel Riley, anyone? As for the speech itself, it was lacklustre, flat, hackneyed, and lacking in humour but by that time anyway the whole thing had gone awry and as skinny as a Lowry painting.
Nigel Kennedy entered in an Aston Villa strip attempting to play to the common gallery or given his garb, the Main Stand. He then proceeded to wail on his violin. The violin is second only to the infernal Eastcentric bagpipe in the list of awful instruments. Kennedy’s performance reminded me of Michael Barrymore at his worst. His “banter” with the other violinist in his little charade smacked of the Barrymore trait of winking at the fourth wall at the expense of the hapless mark. And if you ask me, his recital was repetitious. A little squeak here (audience laughs) a little squeak there (audience laughs, just a little bit lower) another squeak (silencio!). Kennedys! it must be the name.
The set list changed from the norm at the Prom much to everyone’s disgust. The sea shanties were missing making the honks redundant and the little bouncies that go with them, bounceless. Are they out of their minds? This is like dropping Bohemian Rhapsody from a Queen concert. And then they hit me right in the mush. You’ll never walk alone! When this came on I screamed, then frantically searched for the mute button on the remote. I couldn’t find it. I knew it was up at the top of the control somewhere but I’d never had a good reason to use this ultimate solution before so I was lost at sea. Where’s the goddam button? Giving up the ghost and while the strains of the dirge still resounded I resorted to plan B. Grabbing a quilt from the bedroom I threw it over the TV and it muffled the sound. Phew! Phew! Barney McGrew!
For those that don’t know the whole story, the walk on chant is an unofficial anthem of…yuck… them.
The Last Night was a bad night musically. Personally, it was saved only by the fact I’d had a few sherries, a few High Balls and fountains of McEwans to make me not bother too much about the poor display of the classicissstss, sss, sstts. (hic). The following video is a pastiche of the last Night at the Proms. Though maybe, the Bouncy, Bouncy should be added to the repertoire. It might jazz things up a bit.
Postscript: I figured that some Charioteers might not know who Rachel Riley is. She is the letters and numbers cruncher on the TV programme, Countdown. Sweet, very sweet. No tattoos as far as I know.
Boadicea's Chariot 
Well, JW! I suspect you understimate the rôle of the conductor and the quality of the music selected for the last night. The Leonard Bernstein pices were refreshingly lively and whether you like it or not, Nigel is a virtuoso who dresses as a punk for his own satisfaction, nothing else.
PS Of course Rachel has no tats – she’s the pensioners’ favourite pin-up.
I enjoyed it -as did my mother!
I can only assume that this is similar to watching only the last episode of (say) Lord of the Rings and then saying “I don’t get it!”
Did you not get some idea that it wasn’t for you when you watched the first one, two, three episodes? (How many are there?)
I think there are a large number of people who tune in to the last night for exactly the same traditional reasons as you do TR and on this occasion I fall firmly into the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” camp.
With regard to the conductor, it’s all about the rehearsals innit. If you are playing in the brass section (where I was) you can’t always hear what the rest of the orchestra is doing.and it’s the conductor who (in rehearsals) that “balances” the sound levels to achieve his or her interpretation of what the composer originally intended. Hopefully by the time of the performance everyone knows sufficiently well what they’re doing that you could play it without the conductor but there’s no doubt that the quality overall is largely down to him/her.
There, ‘n I’ve never ever been one 🙂
Er, no. The Proms present a programme of various themes, composers, conductors and soloists which will appeal to the spectrum of lovers of classical music. What’s not to get? 🙂
I wouldn’t mind giving Rachel Riley a consonant or two – I’d even extend my baton to her. My parents would have been horrified to see so much British fayre dropped from the agenda. As for conductors, lets bring back Sir Malcolm Sargent. With a pace-maker set at the right tempo surely he could hold the orchestra together. Oh for the good old times. As for Nigel Aston Villa Puke-Face – no, no, no. no. no.
Personally, I wish Nigel Kennedy would stick to playing the fiddle, which he does do very well, and forget all the faux pleb gimmicks. I regret the lack of more of the traditional tunes, too.
As for Rachel Riley, she broke many a young man’s heart earlier this year when she got married ! 🙂
You read it right, JHL, only the traditional pieces interest me. Thanks for your insight into the role of the conductor. What I would find tricky would be flicking the pages of the score over. What would happen if I skipped a page? Would the orchestra miss out the guitar solo and head straight to the bridge? 🙂
Good to see plenty of culture vultures around. How about a poem or two for this months theme?
Note to Boadicea- poetry competition closing date has been set.
Vowel and another vowel, please.
#2. Glad you didn’t mix your vowels up, J-man. 🙂
🙂
MMM Silence is golden!
I don’t like the Albert Hall, went there once and was forced to spend most of the evening in the bar!
Never again.
Dunno about that Mrs O,
Once took the kids (5/6 year old son and daughter) to the Christmas carol concert with Simon Rattle conducting at the A Hall. The kids loved it, ten minutes after our arrival they were down singing on stage in the middle of the orchestra. They reckoned it was better than the panto
jhleck, thinking about that it is probably why I didn’t like the place.
Crowds milling around etc tend to freak me out. Actually I just hate any large conglomeration of people anywhere. If I go to any performance of anything I have to sit near an exit. No suitable seat, just don’t go!
Sports arenas ditto.
Won’t bother to shop if shops are full. Never used to go near shops in the month of December!
I can see the attraction of group activities for some, just not for me!
Môre Jay,of course I get it, in fact I’ve always had it. My comment was a whimsical attempt to establish if the author was paying attention (as was my Christopher comment on the Bale post)
… 😉 …
You old tease, you!! 🙂
I agree. Where two or three are gathered together there’s always one who farts, crinkles sweet wrappers or just talks.
Janus, who said men couldn’t multi-task 🙂