Category: General

Nordic Pseudo-Visions

Sweden is an exquisite country. Well, most of Sweden is an exquisite country – there are parts of it that are rather less than pleasant. I arrived in Kalmar late in the afternoon as the sun was starting to set. It’s cold; it’s very cold – and windy. Yes, yes. Of course that’s what one should expect. Kalmar is a seaside town in Scandinavia, Continue reading “Nordic Pseudo-Visions”

A Month of 20/20

It’s fair to assume that the cricket lovers in this house prefer Test match cricket over the other formats and rightly so. Still, T20 is the only game in town at the moment. The T20 World Cup starts tomorrow in India with a few juicy ties.

Hong Kong v Zimbabwe

Afghanistan v Scotland

These are, what the organisers have called, group stage matches. The big boys don’t come into play until later, in the Super 10 phase. Understandably, the winner usually comes from one of the bigger teams. This time round I’m going to stick my neck out and pick an outsider. For me, England can go all the way. And if not them I hope it’s The Netherlands.

 

That’s not music, this is music

Slayer is a way of life.

Of the big four, they play the purest form of Thrash Metal. Mozart was, allegedly, accused of making too many notes. I would Eden Hazard a guess that a four minute Slayer song will have more notes in it than any of Agadoos’ symphonies. The speed and intricacy of the guitar solos are mesmerising. Memorising them is a walk on part for these guitar geniuses.

Then there’s the drums. You don’t get many double bass drums in classical music. That would be a drum too far for those “virtuosos”. They couldn’t keep up to our beat.

The bassist/singer of Slayer, Tomas Enrique Araya Diaz, might look like a Billy Connolly lookalike but this Big Tam was born in Chile. There’s a lot of nice wines come from Chile. No really, there is. I don’t know if it’s Global Warming, Climate Change or Alec Salmond, there’s something in the chilled Chile that slays the opposition.

Parental guidance. The following video contains swearing.

Live Fast. On High. Repentless. Let it Ride.

Play it Loud.

Greatest Year

In the author’s opinion 1953 was the greatest year in human history. The list below gives an indication of some of thee historic events in that calendar year. There wasn’t enough room to mention more though I dare say the lot of you well remember this was the year of Myxomatosis in the UK. Tic-tac-toe, it was not.

The coronation of Queen Elizabeth II

Crick and Watson discover DNA

Two other blokes discover REM sleep.

Hillary reaches the top.

Piltdown Man is rock bottom.

Magnificent England beat Australia to reclaim the Ashes which the Aussies had held since 1934.

Hungary thrash the Horrible English 6-3 at Wembley.

Gordon Richards wins the Derby at long last.

First issue of Playboy.

Two thirds of Rush are born.

Most importantly, the famous Glasgow Rangers win the Scottish Football Championship on goal average.

German Wines? German? And Wines? Am I hearing you right?

The title is a nod to the Peter Kay Garlic Bread sketch many vines ago, in case you were wondering.

Today, in a second hand bookshop I bought The Atlas of German Wines. I would have preferred the Atlas of German Sausages but you can only buy what’s on the shelf. Browsing the book I was impressed with the printing of the maps; colourful, detailed and understandable. I scoffed the book up and took it home.

Further analysis in the homeland made me question my monetary decision (two quid, in case you were wondering), I mean, are the Germans famous for their winemaking? German and Wines? Call me Latin if you will but I had heard that the Italians were the best grape growers and squashers. Yet I hope to copy Peter Kay’s epiphany when tasting garlic bread by enjoying the taste of fine wines from Germany.

Wild plans have been marked out on blueprint. A wine rack will be assembled in the loft (we don’t have no cellars). Not just any old wine rack, it’ll be a fancy one with decorations. Maybe the odd gargoyle or two. Only German wines will be permitted to lie on the racks. I smack my lips in anticipation and sing a Bing. ♪ I’m dreaming of a wine loft.♫

My dreams of Rhine wines was brought back to reality by my wife. “You don’t like wine. German, Italian or Chilean.” Chilean wine? Chile? And wine? Chilly wine, perhaps but not Chile wine.

She was right, though. I don’t like wine. It gives me the lethal cocktail of a sore head and indigestion. (don’t anybody start with a – sore head and indigestion? Sore head? Indigestion? witticism).

The wine idea has gone down the drain. I’ll stick to the tried and trusted. From here on in it’s only pints of beer for me. And I’ll be on the look out for a book on German beer. Or sausages.

Scandinavian Exile

I was lucky. My flight to London was only half full. A half-full Airbus A380 makes for a roomy flight. Connecting at Hellrow was quick and pleasant enough, despite one airport employee; a Pakistani woman who looked like her favourite pastime was sucking lemons, having something of the vespidae about her. For once I could connect in the same terminal which was fortunate as I had a relatively short wait between flights. Passport control at Copenhagen went quickly, as did luggage delivery. I was through the Danish border with everything in less than ten minutes. I noted a change right away. All passports were stamped, European or not. Usually one must request that a European passport be s Continue reading “Scandinavian Exile”

Overrated: Top Trumps

The board game for budding entrepreneurs, Monopoly, is available in numerous different varieties as is the less expensive card game, Top Trumps. The trouble with Trumps is that sooner rather than later all the players remember the data on each card and the game can become boring. Dealt the right hand it is simply a procession to become Top Trump. Some households on seeing the nature of Trumps have banned it from their leisure time.

But the Trump card lives on effortlessly, in cruise control, master of its domain and seeking out new pastures. It could be all wind farm at the end of the day but the real worry is if it took over the world. Where would we be then?