Greatest Year

In the author’s opinion 1953 was the greatest year in human history. The list below gives an indication of some of thee historic events in that calendar year. There wasn’t enough room to mention more though I dare say the lot of you well remember this was the year of Myxomatosis in the UK. Tic-tac-toe, it was not.

The coronation of Queen Elizabeth II

Crick and Watson discover DNA

Two other blokes discover REM sleep.

Hillary reaches the top.

Piltdown Man is rock bottom.

Magnificent England beat Australia to reclaim the Ashes which the Aussies had held since 1934.

Hungary thrash the Horrible English 6-3 at Wembley.

Gordon Richards wins the Derby at long last.

First issue of Playboy.

Two thirds of Rush are born.

Most importantly, the famous Glasgow Rangers win the Scottish Football Championship on goal average.

Nicola’s no to nukes

They’re ‘immoral’ – so she’ll bag Trident, with moral support from Jeremy. So what in my day was known as a deterrent will be left to the eight (known) ‘players’: USA, Russia, France, China, Israel, India, Pakistan and N Korea.

Should we draw in our horns then? Accept our role as a has-been bystander in world affairs? Rely on our friends (!) to deter the rest?

Answers please to Janus’s Bunker, somewhere too close to the Baltic Sea.

German Wines? German? And Wines? Am I hearing you right?

The title is a nod to the Peter Kay Garlic Bread sketch many vines ago, in case you were wondering.

Today, in a second hand bookshop I bought The Atlas of German Wines. I would have preferred the Atlas of German Sausages but you can only buy what’s on the shelf. Browsing the book I was impressed with the printing of the maps; colourful, detailed and understandable. I scoffed the book up and took it home.

Further analysis in the homeland made me question my monetary decision (two quid, in case you were wondering), I mean, are the Germans famous for their winemaking? German and Wines? Call me Latin if you will but I had heard that the Italians were the best grape growers and squashers. Yet I hope to copy Peter Kay’s epiphany when tasting garlic bread by enjoying the taste of fine wines from Germany.

Wild plans have been marked out on blueprint. A wine rack will be assembled in the loft (we don’t have no cellars). Not just any old wine rack, it’ll be a fancy one with decorations. Maybe the odd gargoyle or two. Only German wines will be permitted to lie on the racks. I smack my lips in anticipation and sing a Bing. ♪ I’m dreaming of a wine loft.♫

My dreams of Rhine wines was brought back to reality by my wife. “You don’t like wine. German, Italian or Chilean.” Chilean wine? Chile? And wine? Chilly wine, perhaps but not Chile wine.

She was right, though. I don’t like wine. It gives me the lethal cocktail of a sore head and indigestion. (don’t anybody start with a – sore head and indigestion? Sore head? Indigestion? witticism).

The wine idea has gone down the drain. I’ll stick to the tried and trusted. From here on in it’s only pints of beer for me. And I’ll be on the look out for a book on German beer. Or sausages.

Scandinavian Exile

I was lucky. My flight to London was only half full. A half-full Airbus A380 makes for a roomy flight. Connecting at Hellrow was quick and pleasant enough, despite one airport employee; a Pakistani woman who looked like her favourite pastime was sucking lemons, having something of the vespidae about her. For once I could connect in the same terminal which was fortunate as I had a relatively short wait between flights. Passport control at Copenhagen went quickly, as did luggage delivery. I was through the Danish border with everything in less than ten minutes. I noted a change right away. All passports were stamped, European or not. Usually one must request that a European passport be s Continue reading “Scandinavian Exile”

Overrated: Top Trumps

The board game for budding entrepreneurs, Monopoly, is available in numerous different varieties as is the less expensive card game, Top Trumps. The trouble with Trumps is that sooner rather than later all the players remember the data on each card and the game can become boring. Dealt the right hand it is simply a procession to become Top Trump. Some households on seeing the nature of Trumps have banned it from their leisure time.

But the Trump card lives on effortlessly, in cruise control, master of its domain and seeking out new pastures. It could be all wind farm at the end of the day but the real worry is if it took over the world. Where would we be then?

 

A ditty for gaz and FoE

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Continue reading “A ditty for gaz and FoE”

Supernatural argument?

Pope: If you build walls, you’re not a Christian. It’s not in the Gospel.

Trump: If ISIS attacks the Vatican, he’ll wish I were President. How dare he say I’m not a Christian?

New Swiss Guards attend their swearing-in ceremony in Paul VI hall at the Vatican May 6. New recruits are sworn in during a colorful ceremony at the Vatican every May 6 to commemorate the day 150 Swiss Guards died saving Pope Clement VII’s life during the sack of Rome on that date in 1527. (CNS photo/Paul Haring) (May 7, 2012) See GUARDS-FACEBOOK May 7, 2012.

But building a better wall around the Vatican, manned by Trump’s Troops, would prove Trump’s Christianity. Would it, Pope mate? Naeh, that’s different. Blessed are the peace-makers – especially meek ones, allegedly.

Pragmatic Modern Politics

The Chariot seems recently to have become obsessed with the politics of failure.   The UK, the EUSSR, the slimmed-down USSR and the USA (which should be discreetly sectioned for its own safety) are all failing or already failed, yet they are an almost inevitable topic of debate on these pages.   Thanks for some cuddly canine relief, Araminta.

Now I realise that many of you have been blinkered by your local media, but please broaden your horizons a smidgen.   The only region of the globe that is currently a rapidly growing economic powerhouse is the Asia-Pacific.   China may be taking a slight breather right now, but it’s a big bugger and getting bigger and better all the time.   Have you looked at India recently?   Getting ready to overtake China in most KPIs India is – goodness gracious me!

Indonesia has begun to drag itself up by its bootstraps, and as a result is on the verge of joining the big-boy’s club.   Many smaller nations in the region are also doing their best to achieve economic take-off while they watch, possibly with a sprinkling of schadenfreude, the old failures in the West bickering about nothing and doing less.

Where stands Australia in all this?

Very comfortably, thank you.  We survived the GFC better than any other nation, we have a wealth of goods and services for sale (at sensible prices) and we’ve lately developed the knack of being the guy who sets up and brings to fruition several very large, very popular trade agreements.

We don’t try to bully other nations – we can’t, they’re bigger than us – we’ve stopped lecturing them about how they should become more Western and are making it clear that we now see ourselves as Asian-Pacific folks.

We have a foreign minister with the ability to take the UN by the scruff of the neck and make it do things in days rather than years.   And she does it with a smile that has even elected dictators wriggling with delight.   Julie Bishop, for the temporarily bewildered.   I shan’t post a piccie lest you guys have instant conniptions.

OK, Austrayia has its problems, we’re not perfect.   But we’re not far off, and we look forwards, not back.   Have a squiz at some Aussie media and see for yourselves.