Category: General

DIY Masterpiece

Reading about Tracy Emin’s artwork My Bed and the fact that it is coming up for sale at Christie’s next week, when she hopes it will be bought by a museum, made me realise that we could all produce our own My Bed without any vast outlay.

Some weeks ago I spoke a few sharp words to older granddaughter, age four and a half.  She disappeared from view and I later found her curled up under our duvet.  The bed looked as if a hurricane had struck it, but all the items on my bedside table were as they had been.

So the recipe is simple.  Make bed neatly as usual; introduce small child into the home (how you acquire one is up to you);  utter a sharp reprimand and stand back.  Your masterpiece can then be personalised to your taste with your own belongings such as bedroom slippers, handcream, medication, bedside reading and so on, and could possibly be worth around £1 million. You may not wish to have it on public display, but will have the warm glow of having created a masterpiece.

Piccie comp.

Preface-  LW is BAD, NAUGHTY and generally WICKED, may his tomatoes rot!

That said, and seeing my arboriferous botanical excesses have put me in the hot seat after studiously avoiding such for 5 years, I shall torture you with the following-

Fruits-  not I hasten to add on two legs,  more the botanical type on a twig , stem, branch etc.  Any sort of fruit, veg, wild flowers, trees. The difficulty here is are you sure what is a fruit  and what is not?  Hint, a carrot is NOT a fruit, excruciating, exigent exculpation will only be offered to those who are botanically correct according to Linnaeus.  I’m sure the winner will be able to accord the correct botanical form to such besides the species! Closing date 20th July.

That should cut the field down a bit!!!  Am I allowed to win?

PS I am not sure but should I have this on the competition page?  As I am a lot better with fruit than I am computers perhaps some kind soul will help out if I should?

My pome for June

Celestial bodies

Comets come and comets go
This is something we all know
Whether they start from the Kuiper Belt
Or the Oort Cloud that is right out there
They all look so spectacular
Their tails so fine as if made of hair.

The trouble is they are lumps of ice
That indeed is not so nice
When they near the Sun they give off dust
The heat of the Sun makes this a must.
Eventually they boil away
Or crash into a planet that’s in the way.

They look so fine when in the sky
But sooner or later they disappear
But until the time they boil away
They reappear at the appointed year.
The one to spot this was Edmund Halley
Who was, with Newton, so very pally

It’s A Worry No 1 – The Open

In 1986 or thereby, four of us flew to Malaga for a week’s golf at Sotogrande. We flew from Newcastle and enjoyed the trip down listening to the designated driver’s audio tapes of the Masters tournament of bygone years. I remember one fondly. Fred Couples was leading in the final round by a couple of shots when he hit his ball into the stream at Amen Corner. The commentator asked ‘I wonder what’s going through his mind right now’. There followed a very audible and heartfelt ‘Oh F—!’ from the boy Fred. Continue reading “It’s A Worry No 1 – The Open”

Pet Hates!

I was thinking  about Soutie’s FIFA blog  (with the caveat that one cannot think too clearly having been woken up by the dog dancing a tarantella on one’s guts before 6am!)

So, in suitably malevolent mode, one’s mind cast about on pet hates, (plus it is raining, no gardening).  One thing in common to nearly all my pet hates is waste of money, especially public money, ie my taxes, splutters invectives into 4th cup of coffee of the morning! Continue reading “Pet Hates!”