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DIY Masterpiece

Reading about Tracy Emin’s artwork My Bed and the fact that it is coming up for sale at Christie’s next week, when she hopes it will be bought by a museum, made me realise that we could all produce our own My Bed without any vast outlay.

Some weeks ago I spoke a few sharp words to older granddaughter, age four and a half.  She disappeared from view and I later found her curled up under our duvet.  The bed looked as if a hurricane had struck it, but all the items on my bedside table were as they had been.

So the recipe is simple.  Make bed neatly as usual; introduce small child into the home (how you acquire one is up to you);  utter a sharp reprimand and stand back.  Your masterpiece can then be personalised to your taste with your own belongings such as bedroom slippers, handcream, medication, bedside reading and so on, and could possibly be worth around £1 million. You may not wish to have it on public display, but will have the warm glow of having created a masterpiece.

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Categories: General
  1. June 28, 2014 at 10:10 pm

    Not that I’d want Tracy Emin’s bed at any price. I’d be tempted to just strip the whole thing, stick the bed linen in the washing machine and collect the detritus into a black plastic sack.

    It is rather amazing that the average four year old can reduce the whole house to an Emin type masterpiece – why just restrict them to the bedroom!

  2. christinaosborne
    June 29, 2014 at 1:32 am

    I’d have thought someone would have paid a few bob not to have Emin’s bed! The woman always looks dirty, needs a fire hose!!! One does not care to dwell on what went on it that bed.
    That produced by a 4 year old would probably be far more wholesome. Can I volunteer the dogs? I can attest to the fact that they leave all sorts of detritus! Gravel, dirt, Bonios come to mind………

  3. June 29, 2014 at 7:50 am

    Young Tracy seems to have aroused exactly the emotions she intended! Freud’s portraits do the same, poking at our prejudices, making us uneasy.

  4. June 29, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Quick nip down to the butchers, get a side of beef, chuck it on the bed, sign it Emenhurst, amaze the “Art” world and retire on the proceeds!

  5. sheona
    June 29, 2014 at 9:50 am

    I don’t think we ought to extend this to the whole house, Araminta. Don’t want to flood the art market.

    Your dogs would produce your own masterpiece, Christina. And one of us could enter My Bed for next year’s Summer Exhibition at the RA!

    I think it’s the “retire on the proceeds” that appeals to me, jhl.

  6. June 29, 2014 at 10:56 am

    Might one (‘a la CO) be serious?

    Art of all kinds challenges our ideas. Artists are gadflies daring to poke at our conventional reactions. Beds, our generation says, shall be made! Bedrooms shall be clinically tidy. Think military rules. Why? Because we were told tidiness trumps godliness. So we bought it.

    Get over it. There’s more to life. 🙂

  7. sheona
    June 29, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    I think it’s more a case of “Why didn’t I think of that?” since it requires no painting talent, rather like a masterpiece I almost stepped on at the Tate many years ago – a collection of wooden spoons on a wooden floor.

  8. O Zangado
    June 29, 2014 at 10:21 pm

    Sorry to interrupt, but just wondering if anyone can ‘see’ this? If so, Bearsy is a genius and I’ll explain later.

    OZ

  9. sheona
    June 29, 2014 at 10:29 pm

    I can see what you’ve written, OZ, if that’s what you mean. Anything else – frizzy fur, cat, swimming pool – I cannot see.

  10. June 29, 2014 at 11:15 pm

    Big smile – hi there OZ. 😀

  11. christinaosborne
    June 29, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    Oz are you sure Portugal is on this planet? Seems one hell of a problem communicating with the world!!!

    Anyone who thinks a filthy bed or a dead stuffed sheep is art needs a hole in the head or maybe already has one!
    Equally Picasso is one giant piss take to me as is most so called modern art. Fools and their money are soon parted.

  12. O Zangado
    June 29, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Cheers, Sheona. This is a huge advance as I will explain later. Piccies and thread to follow later. Back on topic, I’m with Christina and Araminta on the Emin question. In the interests of public hygiene, give her a good scrub with carbolic and take a flame-thrower to the bed. Then do it again.

    OZ

  13. O Zangado
    June 29, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    All hail Bearsy, a giant among bears!

    Tina – Who was it who said that fools and their money are soon elected?

    OZ

  14. christinaosborne
    June 30, 2014 at 2:25 am

    Glad to see the computer is now running on steam!

  15. June 30, 2014 at 6:42 am

    Hi,OZ! Cookin’ on gas now, eh? 🙂

  16. O Zangado
    June 30, 2014 at 6:52 am

    G’day Janus. Smokin’.

    OZ

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