Category: Chips on Shoulders

Another sonnet for the pomes comp

Its all a load o balderdash! Dyou wish

To keep those pesky commas in mid-air?

How can they influence the price of fish?

If bookshops want to drop them, do I care?

Them Waterstones will still sell books, I smise

Like Boots will do the drugs and Tiffnys jewls?

And Ronald will make burgers, Sainsbrys pies?

Do squiggles in some logos make them fools?

So lets go back to dear old GBS.

He knew a thing or two bout grammar stuff.

Lets rite it ow we say it – dont digress.

Of snobby arty farty crap – enuff!

Shall I compare thee to a summers day?

I shall! And sweep that comma clean away!

Another setback for the Don

Yes, we’re leaving the La Mancha region of the Baltic, having tilted at the monster mills and lost the fight. The local council, this evening, was unimpressed by our action group’s petition from 350 burghers, maintaining that the noise is no worse than the birdsong from the hedgerows and the new generation of turbines, far from being a blot on the landscape, will be a tourist attraction. Who could argue with logic like that? Oh and they’re cheaper to install than mills out to sea. So there. Think green. Yeah, right.

Fortunately we are well on the way to negotiating a not-too-painful departure from here by Easter, before the spreading wheat fields become an industrial zone.

Bugger educating the kids, let’s give the Windsors a little gift

Our wonderful Education Secretary, a minister in HM’s government Michael Gove, has suggested that the nation give the happy couple a gift for the Jubilee this year.

(Hang on, didn’t we have a Jubilee only 10 years ago? Why another one already? He’s nearly dead and she must be getting a little knackered, give her a rest poor love!)

What a lovely thought bless him. So what might that be you wonder?

BBC linky thing here.

Hey – a new yacht costing £60 million. Fantastic idea – especially when cuts are being made everywhere, including the stopping of building any new schools – a policy Mr Gove brought in within minutes of being given teh education portfolio. Continue reading “Bugger educating the kids, let’s give the Windsors a little gift”

Half cut

I’m always intrigued by the nanny state’s efforts to control my consumption of alcohol. For years they’ve published guidelines like ‘no more than 3 or 4 units a day’ – which I reckon is hardly table stakes for anybody who enjoys a drink! I mean, I like a half or two before lunch and a glass or two of red with the meal – so that blows my quota for the whole day, branding me a soak beyond redemption!

William Hogarth

Courtesy William Hogarth

And (wait for it) the latest advice is that the old ‘units per day’ advice misleads us into thinking that a drink every day is OK. It ain’t (allegedly). We should have two alcohol-free days a week. So far nanny hasn’t stipulated which days of the week but no doubt she will.

Am I misguided in thinking that almost everything we consume is inherently bad for us if consumed to excess? Even our cups of tea, daily greens and doctor-repelling apples? So why pick on my daily tipple for special attention? Nanny is already taxing it out of sight.

For more sage words, see http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16443240. Thank you.

Then die, Facebook!

Today is a red letter day for me in that I have finally managed to have my Facebook account deleted. Rather foolishly I signed up for it a couple of years ago as a result of pressure from family and friends. I seldom used it, but realised that others did and it was sometimes the only way to contact people. Then in April this year, my internet connection went down and I was forced to use an internet cafe. Continue reading “Then die, Facebook!”

What a load of bollocks!

I have just watched the film, ‘Black Swan’. What a completely crap, pretentious load of bollocks it was. That it won an Oscar for Natalie Portman baffles me. Except it didn’t, once I saw the names of the people involved in its making, at which point, I am afraid my worst tendencies came to the forefront. I am not a particular fan of Mel Gibson, especially following such films as Brave Heart and Patriot, but I think he and Charlie Sheen have a point.

Too silly

Yes, I know I’ve already had one turn today but some things just have to be said. What’s wrong with this sign in Hamley’s toy store?

It is ‘guilty of gender-apartheid’, allegedly.  Which means you can’t identify a toy as suitable for or likely to appeal to a boy or a girl! So Hamleys, bless their unisex cotton socks, have changed their signs (oh, sorry ‘signage’, woo-oo) to categorise toys by type only.

Personally I’d be happy if they’d changed them to say ‘ boys and junior dykes’ and ‘girls and latent poofters’. How about you?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/retailandconsumer/8952627/Toy-signs-changed-after-Hamleys-accused-of-sexism.html

What a shocker!

Surprise news just in, the London Sports Day, looks like it might come in a tad over budget!

Linky Linky!

Bloody ‘eck! I reckon no-one thought that might happen.

I suppose we are all supposed to be grateful that the Capital City Improvement Scheme will only overrun by an estimated 270 million for an unexpected security guard cost. Erm did no-one think to budget for security? Sounds to me like there has been a little “Lobbying with extreme Prejudice” here. But the gubmint have come clean and told us all up front that it is ‘only a possibility’ and there is still another 500 million in the kitty before they need to call on the national purse. Continue reading “What a shocker!”