Month: April 2016

Poor Britain

I have terrible news… Long-suffering Britain has to face yet another nightmare… From Tone Bliar to Gordon Brown to David Cameron to terrible storms and floods. Now, Britain faces a crisis of even greater proportions. You may have guessed it, but I am making a return visit this summer. From the 10th to 17th August I will subject Dorset to my reign of terror. On the night of the 17th I will be secreted by the Caledonian Sleeper to Fort William before travelling south to Glasgow for a few days. Brace yourselves!

Gory details

The obituaries columns in newspapers do throw up some interesting facts and sometimes not even about the deceased. Reading the Prince obituary in the Times last week it was revealed 2 me that on account of the sexualised lyrics on some of Prince’s music a new profanity police was created. It came in the guise of a similar looking woman to Mary Whitehouse. This being was the second lady of the United States (1993-2001), Tipper Gore, wife of the veep (same years or ditto), Al Gore. It was Tipper that instigated the “Parental advisory: explicit content” sticker that prevails on CDs to this day.

Well played, the Gores. Not content with saving the planet they also are trying to save the innocence of youth. Ironically, Prince toned down his act, curtailing swearing, and became a Jehovah’s Witness.

As for the Gores, they are a couple no more. Still, nothing compares 2 em. The ozone’s got his hat on and you need to prove you’re 18 before you can buy a Cannibal Corpse record; tip, tip, tip hooray.

Ho Hum

Ho hum. I finished my certification to be an English teacher today. I also have a confirmed departure date from Spain of 1 December 2016 with the destination of Stockholm. Where will I be in January? Will it be Russia? Will it be Japan? Will it be Taiwan or Indonesia? Who knows.

Trump aces it

Yes, he is gross and boorish; offensive and arrogant; uncouth and incorrigible, etc, etc…

But his foreign policy speech hits the mark, by pointing out that foreign policy is about establishing and protecting his country’s interests. A blinding flash of the refreshingly obvious!

So UKGov, please note. Enough already of mealy-mouthed false altruism, hand-wringing concern for distant beggars, the pretence that the world cares about the UK’s well-being.

Grow some, Cameron! Learn from Trump’s focus on what matters for us.

Overrated: Midwifery

As one that has delivered a baby in an emergency I feel I have the experience to say that the profession of midwifery is not that hard to do. The midwives are credited with an assist when the breakthrough is done. This is far too much praise as all they do is dampen the expectants brow and fold and unfold towels. If the patient needs pain relief the middies simply pour gas and air down the victim’s throat.

The cutting of the cord is no big deal either. Obstetrics is not exactly the bomb squad disposal unit, is it? There’s not a multitude of wires that need cut in the correct order, there’s just the one long umbilical. The timing of the cut isn’t crucial either. The countdown clock cliché is redundant. There’s a big time frame to play with before the snip.

My participation in a childbirth was vital even if I did find that it was a simple enough job. The young girl next door was heavily pregnant and overdue. Her boyfriend came running in a panic to my house. He shouted at me, her waters have broke, she’s screaming and I don’t know what to do. Relax kid, I said, let me deal with it. I pulled up my sleeves and readied myself for the forthcoming ordeal. Continue reading “Overrated: Midwifery”

What else, Mr President?

Silver tongued Obama waxes lyrical about his country’s reationship with the UK. The usual suspects are wheeled out – I won’t remind you – to instruct us to Remain.

Don’t be fooled. Obama has two goals: to lead the global debate and just as significantly, to be seen to favour the EU as an institution. He can never support its breakup and the overt fragmentation of foreign policy. He does not respect the sovereignty of individual states, except his own! He wants a world map to show a single block of colour between the Atlantic and Russia. Simplistic? Yes, that’s US politics.