Christmas cracker jokes

Was somebody recently looking for new material for their homemade Christmas crackers? This from my daily read –

British comedy TV channel Gold asked a group of comedians to come up with their own Christmas jokes after a poll revealed 72% of the population thought cracker jokes were outdated.

Of the new jokes, 2 000 adults voted Richard Woolford’s gag about Miley their favourite.

Here are the top 10 new Christmas cracker jokes:

1. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky. Continue reading “Christmas cracker jokes”

Dummies

Ha ha, I’d love to buy this guy a drink.

How on earth do you stand there for how many hours next to an untold number of V.I.P’s and not burst out laughing?

Where on earth were the C.I.A, M.I.5 or is it 6? This guy could have … who knows?

My daily read today tell me that the A.N.C employed him, they of course deny this and point the finger at our very own S.A.B.C. who’ve made it quite clear that they have their own signers in a separate studio (which I believe.)

My newspaper also reports that “The Deaf Federation of South Africa said it has warned the A.N.C about the man more than a year ago after a member complained.”

It was apparently all unintelligible gobbledygook, but surely he could have been signing “let’s declare war on China” or ” I never really knew Madiba but … ” the possibilities are endless.

Anyway, one national newspaper claims to know his name, if they read this buy him a beer on me 🙂

Quite like this one

A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer’s credibility …Q: ‘Officer — did you see my client fleeing the scene?’A: ‘No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.’

Q: ‘Officer, who provided this description?’

A: ‘The officer who responded to the scene.’

Q: ‘A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?’

A: ‘Yes, sir. With my life.’

Q: ‘With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?’ Continue reading “Quite like this one”

Moonlight Sonata – Bars 2 to 4.

Well I seem to have garnered a little interest here from cherished Charioteers and so I shall continue to demonstrate the SOKOZY piano playing method, allowing the Royalist to progress towards some musical resolution which comes in Bar no. 5 which I will post tomorrow.  (And that is where this present exercise will end unless of course further bars are requested or somebody commissions me to transcribe a favourite song.)

Bar number two is almost identical to bar 1, save the left hand (little finger and thumb) play two different notes from those notes played in bar no.1 see yesterdays post). Otherwise the principle is the same.  Remember to hold down the two left hand ‘1’s for the duration of the 123, 456, 789,10,11,12 sequence played in the right hand, as this gives pleasing harmonic resonance to the right hand part. (Are you listening, the Royalist and no metallic effects please.)

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata - Bar no. 2
Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata – Bar no. 2

Bar 3 develops the theme with more movement and shape in the right hand. Shortsighted viewers will need to focus well.

Continue reading “Moonlight Sonata – Bars 2 to 4.”

Sokozy – NOT Suzuki

Following a request by the Royalist I am giving you all an opportunity to learn the opening few bars of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata through the revolutionary new piano playing method called ‘Sokozy’.  It is in fact so cosy that you only have to read (or memorise) the number sequence directly shown on the piano keys. (No more “lines and spaces” and no more squiggles and hieroglyphics.) The Moonlight Sonata is basically quite easy to transcribe in this way – for the most part the right hand is played by depressing single notes in triplet rotation.  For basic instruction see below.

Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata -Barno. 1
Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata – Bar no. 1

OK music lovers, here we go. Are you sitting comfortably?  The two ‘1’s on the left are played together with the left hand, using your  little finger and thumb. At the same time  as pressing the  two ‘1’ s on the left, you should depress the ‘1’ on the right with the thumb of your right hand.  After that you just continue pressing the number sequence 2 & 3, 4,5, & 6, 7, 8 & 9 and 10, 11, 12  (This triplet sequence in the right hand – 123, 456 etc – is best played using thumb, index finger and middle or 4th finger.)  It sounds a bit complicated in words but its dead easy just looking at the number sequence in the picture and just striking the numbers in ascending order. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy. Continue reading “Sokozy – NOT Suzuki”

Christmas in Sept.

Would you believe that on the very day that TR spotted his first Christmas tree of 2013 sparkling away in the top floor window of a local high-rise that I received a Christmas present from 2012!

Let me explain …

As I’ve mentioned previously on these pages I’d never win an audition for one of Snow White’s 7 dwarfs, (I would however make an excellent Prince Charming, but that of course is just my opinion)

No, I’m much too tall for that and happily leave those roles to shall we say the vertically challenged. Continue reading “Christmas in Sept.”