Christmas cracker jokes

Was somebody recently looking for new material for their homemade Christmas crackers? This from my daily read –

British comedy TV channel Gold asked a group of comedians to come up with their own Christmas jokes after a poll revealed 72% of the population thought cracker jokes were outdated.

Of the new jokes, 2 000 adults voted Richard Woolford’s gag about Miley their favourite.

Here are the top 10 new Christmas cracker jokes:

1. What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky.

2. Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer.

3. Mary and Joseph – now they had a stable relationship.

4. What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show.

5. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker.

6. Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? He’s got private elf care.

7. How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz (3.4kg) when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger.

8. Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Because their days are numbered.

9. How do you know if Santa’s been in your garden shed? You’ve got three extra hoes.

10. Why was the Brussels sprout sent to prison? Because it was a repeat offender.

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