Underrated: Horoscopes

Nobody ever has a bad word to say about Nostradamus. Indeed, volumes and volumes of books have been written about this arch-predictor of future events. That should be enough for my argument that astrologers are relevant and prophets of the first division (now called The Premier League but old habits and that) but I will write further of their great service to humanity.

It is a fascinating science the study of astrology and in the morning I fervently read all the newspaper horoscopers that divine the day I am going to have. Using their foreknowledge I know whether to get up out of bed or not. Pre-warned means I can change the road of my life without any Frostian gambles and avoid the pitfalls, so you seer they do serve a purpose.

The celestial language employed by these mighty sages make you want to tail it like a comet to your nearest telescope and gaze at the stars. “The five moons of Pluto are converging , this means pentagonal good luck for you.” Thanks a bunch of fives, Mystic Meghan. Who knew the Kuiper-belted dwarf planet Pluto had five moons? And that their names have Underworld connotations. It’s just so interesting. Our big bad planet has only one moon and it’s boringly called- the moon.

There’s a thing called a cusp which gives you the characteristics of two signs of the Zodiac. Quasar! You can be a crabby twin or a lion and a virgin at the same time. The cusp word is one of my favourites as is the phrase “on the cusp”. Without any modesty I attest that “on the cusp of greatness” is applicable to me. Nearly there.

Horoscope is a fine word but I would prefer the more scarier Horrorscope to be used when there’s writing on the wall. Ominous words daily for all twelve signs would make the population take notice that this world is rough and we ain’t all called Sue.

Now I can forecast that many of you will have dismissed this article as another piece of nonsense but mark my words I have been checking the charts. Logic dictates that a blog has to be written before it is read. Yet still I can predict that Zoolon will like this post whether he’s read it or not.

One thought on “Underrated: Horoscopes”

  1. Rocking my inner Publius Ovidius Naso (‘Big Nose’):

    I was born (with young Backside) Aquarius
    With our virtues (and vice) multifarious,
    On the cusp (‘scuse my lithp) of old Pisces .
    Now pass me those Waitrose mince pies please.

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