Terminally boring – Page 8 – Boadicea's Chariot

Justin time?

Don’t we miss some juicy politics, especially in stuffy old Canada? Ah the days of Pierre and Barbra, Margaret and the Stones.

Canadian PM Justin Trudeau in boxing training in 2012

And right on cue, enter another Trudeau, stage right. Handsome too, by all accounts. So let’s wait for the second act.

Department of meaningless surveys

The Danes just lurv to find out how well they rate against other countries. The obsession evinces itself every time a commentator spews forth his/her analysis of Denmark’s teams’ performance: ‘Less then world class’, ‘One of Europe’s best’, etc.

And now there’s this:

Click to access rankings_2015.pdf

Bet you didn’t realise that the US of A ranks 90th after Timor-Leste and before Morocco in economic globalisation! Nor did I. Overall the Yanks just beat Slovenia!

Good, ain’t it?

Bags

Brit stores are charging 5p per plastic bag. Big deal.

People are too lazy to change their habits – not just in GB. They’ll try to nick a basket (until it’s tagged).

Over here in DK, the bags are min. 25p! And people still buy them! So what is the solution? Biodegradable bags maybe?

PS we keep a couple of strong cardboard boxes in the car and take them into the store. Easypeasy.

Captionski?

Only when I laugh

It’s the pain, doctor.

Where exactly, Janus?

Just here (pointing to heart).

And when do you get it?

Whenever I watch English teams play.

So it’s home-sickness then, the call from home?

No. That’s a sweeter feeling, like hearing I’m to be a grandpa for the 10th time.

Congratulations then! But back to the pain?

Yes. What’s the cure?

Get rid of the sports channels. Watch Danish tv. You’ll feel no emotion whatever and sleep extremely well. That’s the true meaning of ‘hygge’ (pron. hew- ga)!

Select few

Almost everyone’s gone. Maybe not to the moon (but who knows?). And parting is such…er….sorrow. Especially when y’all left without so much as a flounce, a strop or a fond farewell. Was it something we said or failed to say? Was it fickle fate that tempted you to pastures new? Was it the Big House or twatter or facebonk?

No answers unless you’re planning to stick around. Excuses are so yesterday.

The Wattage Two Day Cure for all Ailments

It’s true, doesn’t matter if it is lumbago, rheumatism, arthritis, sciatica or a bout of the gout this is guaranteed to cure the lot in two days.

Firewood, cut it, split it, stack it on the woodpile.

There are three trees worth here, a Hickory, an Oak and a Maple, all hardwoods, probably totaling about three cords when cut and stacked, seasoned it should weigh about six tons, wet as it is it probably weighs twice that. The big stuff with the dark heartwood is the hickory. Bitternut is the variety that grows around here and it is very heavy wood, and one of the best in terms of heat content for firewood.

Continue reading “The Wattage Two Day Cure for all Ailments”

Mud, Mystery, Murder, Manuscripts and Madness.

I heard this story when I was a lad from my father and grandfather; no mention of it was ever made in school.

The geezer in the muddy boots is Dr. Orville Ward Owen a medical doctor from Detroit, the date is May 1911, the place is close to the low tide mark of the River Wye in the shadow of the walls of Chepstow Castle.

What led the man to this place was never explained to me back then, although what he sought was well known to my relatives, and their view was that he was wasting his time and money. He made several visits, one lasting longer than six months. In all twelve or fourteen shafts were driven into the river bottom, some deeper than twenty feet. All he found were some heavy timbers that were the remains of a Roman landing stage, these were not what he was looking for.

Continue reading “Mud, Mystery, Murder, Manuscripts and Madness.”

AC/DC Live Wire

Prince’s 1999 song was rarely played on December 31^st 1998 yet a year later was used extensively on various radio stations/disco 2000s to welcome in the millennium. We partied 364 days and whatever minute it was too late. One of these anomalies we have in life. I didn’t party. I was Doctor Whoming behind the sofa, with my whimpering K9, awaiting Armageddon. Something wicked this way comes.

The millennium bug was the end of days. Looking back now I don’t know why I was so worried. I did not possess a computer at the time (Y2K). The worst that could have happened to me would be that the toaster wouldn’t work. And this would have nothing to do with broadband issues or other related online jargon. The trouble would be dodgy wiring in the plug; when you’ve chubby fingers it’s hard to put that little wire in the right place; Major Tom to earth etc. Still, like the glorious Gaynor, I survived.

Men in white coats

With their being no National Service anymore I have no experience of the military. While I could have enlisted voluntarily I preferred to be a civilian. This doesn’t mean I can’t daydream. And the best place to do this is in the dentist’s chair.

I haven’t been to the dentist for over a year, missing out on two regular six month check-ups. It’s not fear of Dr. Christian Szell that kept me away it was his frontline troops I couldn’t handle; the Checkpoint Charlie receptionists are a dour-faced lot. Continue reading “Men in white coats”