Only when I laugh

It’s the pain, doctor.

Where exactly, Janus?

Just here (pointing to heart).

And when do you get it?

Whenever I watch English teams play.

So it’s home-sickness then, the call from home?

No. That’s a sweeter feeling, like hearing I’m to be a grandpa for the 10th time.

Congratulations then! But back to the pain?

Yes. What’s the cure?

Get rid of the sports channels. Watch Danish tv. You’ll feel no emotion whatever and sleep extremely well. That’s the true meaning of ‘hygge’ (pron. hew- ga)!

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  1. October 4, 2015 at 9:26 am

    I support the Japanese.

  2. October 4, 2015 at 9:28 am

    I was just beginning to get over it until I read this…….groan

  3. sheona
    October 4, 2015 at 9:44 am

    Come, come, Janus, didn’t the English cricket team win some matches this summer? Chin up!

  4. October 4, 2015 at 10:36 am

    Sheona, the cricket lot always manage to leave an uneasy feeling that winning was a fluke. Sorry I can’t offer comfort, gaz. 😕

  5. October 4, 2015 at 11:28 am

    The way I look at it is that I don’t have to worry any more about whether England will lose the next match.

  6. October 4, 2015 at 11:37 am

    Now that’s a good thought, Sipu.

  7. O Zangado
    October 4, 2015 at 11:47 am

    The final pool match is Uruguay. Albeit a dead rubber, on England’s present showing I shall probably watch it whimpering from behind the sofa.

    OZ

  8. October 4, 2015 at 2:17 pm

    Never in the history of sport have so many achieved so little for England. Uraguay would be quite safe if they fielded their junior development squad – women’s division. 😟

  9. O Zangado
    October 4, 2015 at 10:47 pm

    Would that be the Churchillian, “Never in the field of human endeavour has so little been achieved by so many for such a mahoosive waste of sponsorship”. Apart, perhaps for the 2012 Olympic relay squads and the hockey teams.

    I never felt any empathy with our girlieball failures led by the putative ‘Sir’ Wayne, (accompanied by Chief camp follower ‘Lady’ Colleen, FFS), nor the cricketers with their iffy performances and the Waitrose logo-prominent baseball hats with the Three Lions somewhere behind the ear.

    And now this! Bolleaux to the lot of ’em. I’m just going to sit here with my Samoan rugby shirt on waiting for the day when one of the Island nations (Samoa, Fiji or Tonga) stuns the world and lifts the Webb Ellis Cup. It’s only a matter of time, especially if the All Blacks give back all the players they poached from abroad.

    All this will take some time I admit, but maybe by then the organisers will have have found something better to sing ‘Wuuurld in Uni-on-ion’ than the adenoidal, tone deaf honker who sounds like she came a pitiful seventh in a preliminary heat of X-Factor.

    Pass me the FrizzEase, Sheona please.

    OZ

  10. October 5, 2015 at 7:39 am

    While Wayne is the topic, would any respectable Spanish club field as lethargic and unimaginative midfield as Rooney, Carrick and Schweinclimber? If Man U get into Europe again this season, I’ll share your Frizzeaze, OZ. 😬

  11. sheona
    October 5, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    OZ, could you please keep the Samoa rugby shirt in the cupboard until after the match against Scotland on Saturday afternoon? It’s younger granddaughter’s third birthday party and it would spoil things if Granny were in floods of tears at a Scotland defeat. Delivery of Frizzease delayed till then.

  12. October 5, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    Oz: I will be back in Europe in the summer. I can rush you an emergency shipment then.

    I take it I can’t convince anyone to join me in supporting Japan? 頑張れ日本!

  13. October 5, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Go go Tokyo! How’s that? 🌅

  14. O Zangado
    October 5, 2015 at 7:44 pm

    You see, Sheona, Janus needs FrizzEase too. I have two Samoan shirts, akshully, one bought and one presented to me in Apia by Manu Samoa in 1995 along with a very snazzy tie celebrating an international against England in that year. I am sorry to say that following The Fall of the House of Lancaster (a headline I read somewhere today), all the Samoan gear will be on display on Saturday including the lava lavas, the cowrie shell necklaces and the Chiel’s pig tusk pendant. I might even brew up a bowl of kava and get off my head if the boys do one over the Jocks.

    Christopher – Next summer will be too late to prevent the above next Saturday, but thank you for the thought. I thought Japan played an unexpected blinder against the Springboks although the potential inspirational chants worry me somewhat. “Banzai” and “Tora, Tora, Tora” might not be quite PC these days.

    OZ

  15. October 6, 2015 at 4:11 am

    Oz: okay, I found a few gallons of Frizz Ease at a back-alley chemist’s in a northern Huzhou hutong. The nice man guaranteed it to be fair dinkum so I’ve had it rushed to the Cave! I see your point vis-a-vis Japan’s inspirational chants. So long as no Mitsubishi fighter planes are involved, however, it could be worse!

  16. O Zangado
    October 6, 2015 at 9:14 am

    Hmmm! With all due respect if I use that stuff I will probably end up with no fur at all, which is not the point of FrizzEase, a marvellous product for agitated lupines.

    OZ

  17. October 6, 2015 at 10:19 am

    OZ, in case you wondered how on earth your lupine salve could help me, I think it will be perfect to smooth Backside’s hackles, which rise at the slightest provocation…. 👹

  18. O Zangado
    October 6, 2015 at 11:32 am

    Maybe Backside and I should get together and compare notes, my own hackles being on ‘permanent alert’, ‘primed’ and ‘easily provoked’ modes almost all of the time.

    OZ

  19. October 6, 2015 at 2:48 pm

    Oz: perhaps that is a good idea. I spilt a bit of the stuff and can now look through the pavement and see at least a hundred yards down!

  20. October 6, 2015 at 3:53 pm

    C, that sounds like Colin’s comment on Captions? at 1.12 pm! 😀

  21. October 6, 2015 at 3:57 pm

    Janus: te he he! Chinese quality!

  22. sheona
    October 7, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    OZ, if you and Janus insist on shouting for Samoa on Saturday, there will be no more Frizzease in the event of an unsatisfactory result. Get the Samoans to send you some coconut oil.

  23. October 8, 2015 at 7:10 am

    No, Sheona, the way it works is: I shout for Scotland (Brit solidarity) then when they lose I indulge in a bit of Schadenfreude! 😉

  24. O Zangado
    October 8, 2015 at 7:13 am

    No more FrizzEase, you say?? Noooooooo! That’s as bad as saying the hunting of boar will be made illegal and that all barbies will henceforth be vegetarian affairs. You might as well go the whole hog (so to speak) and outlaw beer whilst you’re at it.

    Sob!

    OZ

  25. O Zangado
    October 8, 2015 at 7:22 am

    Now I come to think about it, when Christopher, who surely knows on which side his rack of ribs is marinated, visited The Cave a while back he brought a tube of the unctuous lube as a peace offering. Now there’s a true gent for you.

    OZ

  26. October 8, 2015 at 7:44 am

    Fear not, OZ, there’s a lupine cyberstore opening in your area very soon…..

  27. October 8, 2015 at 10:12 am

    Oz: I will be happy to bring you as much as you’d like!

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