Category: Humour

The Helicopter and the Cornered

“Never give a sucker an even break”

Unlike those boring people that go out all the time I’ve stuck to my couch and began to take an interest in the reality television programmes concerning real-life policemen. You know the type of shows I’m talking about: Road Wars, Night Cops, UK Street Crime etc. etc.

Even these dramas played out factually are beginning to become formulaic. The car chase sequence went downhill after Steve McQueen yet it’s still in use, overuse. The voice over guy tries to ratchet up the tension as the siren-blaring cops race after the bad guys. Red lights are driven past, the wrong side of the road is used and there’s a swerve or two. All Beano and Dandy and seen before. Just when you think the baddies have got away they are captured. Most of the time because of the big bird in the sky.

The police helicopter tracks the progress of the villains giving the pursuers in their squad cars vital intelligence (it also doubles up as the programmes TV screen plotting the adventure). To give the felons a chance the helicopter should not be used. It’s not as if the carjackers have ground to air missiles in their armoury. Put those cheating copters away. As Shere Khan would say, It would make the chase more interesting.

Idolatrine

Evangelical Protestantism is on the rise in South and Central American countries.
This part of the globe has historically been a catholic stronghold in matters of faith but the flock are turning. Brazil and Mexico, the two largest catholic nations in the world have had many converts to the Evangelical side and other Protestant church communities: Pentecostals, Baptists and Methodists. A personal relationship with Jesus is most important to evangelicals, whereas in Catholicism, priests and the church hierarchy are tasked with interpreting the Bible and being “God’s representatives”. Has the continent of Pele et al seen the light shining?

With chapel attendance dwindling in these areas it begs the further question, was Jorge Mario Bergoglio, the Jesuit cardinal from Buenos Aires the newly appointed successor to Saint Peter, chosen purely to revitalise the ailing roman church in Latin America? In modern times we don’t expect political intrigue straight out of the Borgias yet the appointment smacks of a desperate attempt to woo back floating voters by installing one of their own. And was the retired/deposed Benedict part of the scheme? We’ll need to wait until the papal archives are released. Continue reading “Idolatrine”

April fool?

There is a report in the Telegraph today which, if it was not April 1st, I could well believe to be true, given the Fascist tendencies of this and the previous government.

It says that the Government are to appoint a “Lights Tsar” department, whose members are entitled to demand entry to your house and turn off any lights that are left on in an empty room. How I hate all present day politicians, even when they are not responsible for something!

The article can be seen here although, thanks to the Telegraph’s new paywall, you may not be able to see it.

Blank verse

Budding poets can practice their seasonal moves by filling in the blanks below:

When I were a _, I remember,
Our Easters were always a _
‘Cos _ _ liked _ _ and cucumber
While _ _ liked _ _ in her _

In them days the rain never _ _
‘N one year the _ really _
And there’s nowt like a _ at the _ _
With a bottle of _ _ _ _

All submissions will qualify for the Easter Comp! So go for it!

Easter poetry competition

Yes, it’s a special Easter this year, with a new man at the Italian Head Office n’ all. Such stuff that poets’ dreams are made on indeed!

But let’s not confine our flights of fancy to an Argentinian supernaturalist or those nibbled chocolate animals – however much we feel for them.

Continue reading “Easter poetry competition”