Author: janus

I'm back......and front - in sunny Sussex-by-the-sea

Enough rope

Wanting it and wanting it now was the ‘eighties mantra –  and things obviously haven’t changed at all, especially in the two fields that matter most to many people: politics and football. So let me mention a few prize-winners in the race to hang themselves this year.

First in politics, Dave and Donald.  The Pied Piper should be their emblem. Follow them to oblivion, folks.

Then, inevitably football. Follow the money, guys. And now they’ve got everything they asked for, they must show us what they are worth. I mean the two Mancunian clubs and their new heroes, Pep and Jose.

This is probably going to be the year of pyrrhic victories, methinks.

Incoming

The big challenge with refugees is establishing their credentials as bona fide asylum seekers. Are they genuine ‘friends’ or do they harbour sinister motives?

Unfortunately the guardians of the Big House failed to police the estate, allowing marauders to plunder the residents, some assuming multiple identities to escape capture.

So, cherished charioteers, let us be vigilant and preserve the pax Britannica.

Rich pickings

This is about Airmiles Andy, who at best has generous friends who bankroll his and his daughters’ jetset lifestyles. At worst, he is living on the proceeds of shady deals with very colourful outlaws. Allegedly of course.

His mother, his siblings and his nephews work hard to maintain the unrivalled reputation of the British monarchy, while he and the Duchess seem determined to ruin it by hawking their wares around the back streets of international society.

So, all you monarchists! Time to put up or shut up! Who is going to clean up this mess? The Palace? The gubmint? Your move.

Male members only

peter alliss

 

Peter Alliss may have a point! The wives of Muirfield golfers are extended privileges denied to other women – so that’s the obvious route for wannabe female members to follow! There are of course all-women clubs which men cannot join either and even marriage to a WI person will not get fellas access to its mysteries.

So is the fuss justified? Why do the Open authorities disapprove – I mean really? The said females can’t play in the Open either, can they, even if they beat all the men? (That’s different, I hear somebody say.)

Not being a golfer, Backside doesn’t understand but he’s sure some cherished 19th holers will help.

Queer stuff

Call me queer but I’m sure society has lost its marbles.

The Nat Union of Students, always slightly bent, is demanding college accommodation should segregate LBTGwo’evah from er….others, presumably referring to what I call normal folk. (Go on, sue me.)

Why not segregate by colour, religion, football affiliation, hair colour, height, weight, dietary choice – oh and of course country of origin? Not to mention any other passing fad.

And bugger the education.

Putin put out

I couldn’t miss out on a headline like this, could I? Even though I refuse to watch or enter discussions about the much-feted Eurovision extravaganza, which, allegedly Vlad himself dictated Mother Russia must win at any cost. Heads will roll, it is reported, now that a Ukrainian song about genocide in the Crimea (in English) beat the Russian entry. The votes were rigged by the pesky Western organisers, of course. So what’s new? Apart from the Aussies wanting to horn in on the show too. Typical Eurononsense.

 

Test of time

Looking back to my schooldays, I reckon many of my most valuable lessons were learnt by rote. Times tables, spelling, geographical facts and later, sorry, Latin declensions and conjugations. And how did my school teachers check that I knew them? By asking me politely to swear I’d made the effort? No. There was a test!

These days it is no longer pc, human or psychologically acceptable to demand proof of knowledge imparted. The pressure of being examined is too great for the modern child; and if you must check progress, offer multiple choice questions, to give ’em a chance.

Have you seeen the SATS papers for 6 – 11 year olds? Hardly surprising that by 16 so many children are illiterate and unable to do simple arithmetic. Ask employers how hard it is to recruit young people.

Some will blame Alex Salmond, but I think the Bliar Brigade should carry the can, believing you can make a silk purse out of a genetically modified sow’s ear and then cook the books to prove it.