janus

Don’t mention the war

Life is complicated. Fact. And FIFA, the international footie org, is having to unravel a little local difficulty. Understandably perhaps, they outlaw the wearing of poppies for international matches, despite the fact that ‘respect’ is universally sported as a badge by all players. The ban avoids any cry of foul.

But what about when England and Scotland play each other? Who could be offended then by the odd poppy on a black armband? We’ll have to wait for the final ruling but I expect FIFA to say no.

The pound in your pocket

Harold Wilson never had to deal with this. In his day it was a piece of paper (not plastic). And will some nerd tell me who this particular J.C. is, please?

The runway

We’re all seasoned travellers here, so we are qualified to tell the gubmint which new runway to approve. There are no hubs which really offer an enhanced experience (!) – at least that I know of – so the decision for me comes down to ease of access to/from London for the common customer. LHR or LGW?

Easy. By car, bus, train or taxi LHR is quicker, cheaper and far less frustrating. I’m sure you all agree ?

Airmiles is at it again

It’s been a while since I reported on the royals. Probably because Kate can do no wrong and Wills is doing his best, bless him.

But sources tell me that the PoW is side-lining his rapacious brother whose strings are obviously still being jerked by the inimitable Fergie. Andy’s been whining about his daughters’ having to work for living – which they seem do do but rather spasmodically – arguing that the Heir’s lads are fully subsidised royals. With his nose well and truly out of joint, Andy asked HM the Queen to intercede on his behalf – and got what can only be described as the bum’s rush from the Palace too.

Come on girls! Use your natural talents, tap into Daddy’s well-oiled connections, marry well – and Chuck’s your uncle!

French

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m as francophile as the next man. M. Hulot is a hero, Bardot an icon, Paris the real deal. But like so many good things France is badly served by its people when the chips are down.

Remember Charles Le Nez? He’s the fella who decamped to London when les Boches invaded and returned home when the last shots had been fired, declaring he was the saviour of France. But he was the only European who believed it.

And now, when France faces a formidable force of British brains in the Battle of Brexit, what do les Froches do? They puff themselves up and bring out their most horrifying weapon, so often deployed against British tourists: Non speakee Eenglish.

It’s just the French way. Such self-belief! So divorced from reality! You have to admire them – or do you?

Is it presidential?

The Clinton Trump face-off is raising questions about what is acceptable behaviour from a wannabe Commander-in-Chief.

Trump’s life in business and the media is being exposed in all its unethical banality. Hillary is on the pillory (!) for alleged illegalities and deceptions over the years.

And now (remember both candidates are of retirement age) Trump suggests Clinton is boosted by performance-enhancing drugs. As if this is a quasi-athletic contest in which a level-playing-field must be guaranteed. So – is it? Do the most senior public servants have a duty to be subject to medical scrutiny and be ‘clean’? If so does such a prerequisite apply similarly to their staff; and their staff, etc?

So come to think of it, should Churchill and JFK have been disqualified from office? Is today’s political environment different?

Just askin’.

Living in a dream world

That is the SNP’s new slogan. A world where men in skirts play their pipes untroubled by the cruel realities of GDP, the national debt, the cost of welfare and the absence of the Great Scotch Free Lunch.

And the Caviar Queen, unable to look over the towering Hadrian’s Wall – owing to her myopia amongst other little problems – has no doubt about the appeal of a future already mapped out by Greece. Except the crumbling EU will no longer throw good money after bad.

So one must as an Englander wish her well with her dream, removing from the rest of the UK the Great Caledonian Burden. Give her a new vote to defect, help her to win it, cast her adrift and breathe a sigh of relief.

What is going on?

English football is an enormous business, so why is it incapable of employing top people who have the talent to keep its house in order and control its excesses and self-destructive urges?

I’m afraid the answer lies in the boardrooms of the biggest clubs, which pull the strings of the FA, ensuring it employs only second-raters who will not threaten their own PR needs.

No FTSE-100 company would have hired Woy or Sam as England manager. The hiring process would have exposed their weaknesses – Woy’s spinelessness, Sam’s cupidity.

So Alan Shearer is correct: English football is a laughing-stock. The corruption is only now beginning to be exposed – and I’ll whisper ‘drugs’, the next scandal to break. Mama mia!