Category: Techo stuff

Overrated: Midwifery

As one that has delivered a baby in an emergency I feel I have the experience to say that the profession of midwifery is not that hard to do. The midwives are credited with an assist when the breakthrough is done. This is far too much praise as all they do is dampen the expectants brow and fold and unfold towels. If the patient needs pain relief the middies simply pour gas and air down the victim’s throat.

The cutting of the cord is no big deal either. Obstetrics is not exactly the bomb squad disposal unit, is it? There’s not a multitude of wires that need cut in the correct order, there’s just the one long umbilical. The timing of the cut isn’t crucial either. The countdown clock cliché is redundant. There’s a big time frame to play with before the snip.

My participation in a childbirth was vital even if I did find that it was a simple enough job. The young girl next door was heavily pregnant and overdue. Her boyfriend came running in a panic to my house. He shouted at me, her waters have broke, she’s screaming and I don’t know what to do. Relax kid, I said, let me deal with it. I pulled up my sleeves and readied myself for the forthcoming ordeal. Continue reading “Overrated: Midwifery”

Extreme justice

Anders Breivik, self-confessed Nazi mass-murderer, has won a court case against the ever-correct state of Norway. The food and living conditions are not up to snuff, as it were.

Not that the monster is likely to be treated very much differently in future.  Perhaps an M & S ready meal now and then, but certainly no ‘association’ with other inmates.

So was it worth the legal costs – not a krone paid by him, I’m sure? Even the purists must wonder.

 

‘Twas ever thus and evermore shall be so

Politics has always been a mean and dirty business. It’s what makes historical tales of power and passion so fascinating. Think Caesar, the Plantagenets, the Tudors, the Kennedies….pick your favourites.

So of course the Brexit issue is a messy, manic business – even dirtier than the US primaries will become. So many individual reputations are at stake – but truth be told, little else. Yes, I mean it.

‘Markets’ will wobble, governments will fall and rise again, but otherwise Brexit will be less risky than Remain. Why? Because unelected oligarchies mean trouble, controlling economies without popular choice. Because for every Remain argument there is a balancing reply in the real, non-political world.

So there.

The Great Vinyl Rip-Off

A slogan posted on the wall of HMV stores proclaims, in a hubristic paraphrase of the famous Buggles song “Vinyl is killing mp3s”.

Vinyl might be a murderer but it has definitely revived the fortunes of the ailing music industry. Every man, woman and his dog is flocking to HMV to buy vinyl. It’s back in Vogue and Fashion and Stylistics. The shelves are cluttered with black plastic again. A recycled Sevenfold Nightmare. I don’t understand this nostalgia trip. While disagreeing with FEEG over the hi-definition rip-off I have to admit that the CD format is superior to vinyl.

The re-emergence of vinyl is a record industry attempt to stop the file-sharing pirates that download music for free. Seeing those record covers again and reliving Glory Days is Nirvana to a lot of soul sisters and brothers, so it’s a Gimme, Gimme ,Gimme Rush for the needle players. Me, I gave most of my LPs away while retaining the coloured vinyls, bootleg albums and rare promotional issues as family heirlooms. It pays to have a Record Collector guide book handy. Like Yazz, the only way is up for these beanstalks.

While old-timers are taking longer to Knock on Heaven’s Door maybe other brands will seek to fleece the Old Sheps from their Money and Time. Betamax could tape us to the future. Sodastream might teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. Another big lift-off and we will be Fooled Again by Ground Control putting another Man on The Moon.

The vinyl revolution won’t last but it has brought a memory revival of all things past; Melting tar on the road, running through clothes lines, eating blackjacks then sticking out your tongue, footie in the street, chapping doors and running away, climbing trees and falling out of trees…

Offshore squalls

So Wikileaks now confirms what we have suspected for ever: rich, powerful people hide their money from tax authorities.

No names, no pack-drill but I often ask myself how the head honchos of big corporations (in DK for example) manage to work here and pay the taxes demanded. And how come the allegedly ever-vigilant tax folk don’t seem to do anything about it?

We shall now witness governments issuing their usual lip-service responses to the ‘news’, much sighing and tutting and promises of crack-downs, all lasting the requisite nine days; whereupon business as usual.

The people of Iceland will perhaps spill some blood but there’ll be no volcanic dust and the storms will be confined to tea cups around the world.

The europlot thickens

The story so far:

Negotiations for Cameron’s Stay campaign ended in stalemate. The Tories started to fall apart, as ever unsure what Europe has to do with real life. Cameron shows signs of panic, faced with his own party’s schizophrenia. The Leave campaign shows clear signs of winning the battle,  with so many reputations at stake.

Enter the IMF, the perennial prophet of economic doom, to announce that the UK’s referendum will coincide with a very relevant event: another Greek default! Mama mia! (Sorry, my modern Greek is shaky, like their economy.)

That should liven up the debate, nicht Wahr/n’est-ce pas?

Spring equinox quiz (not for sport haters)

The clues refer to the beginnings of current or recent Premiership managers/coaches’ names (first or second, e.g. ‘beer’ might tempt you to think Ale(x Ferguson), innit?

So here goes:

  1. Bottom
  2. Decent golf
  3. Everybody
  4. Hinder
  5. Hastened
  6. Danish boy conqueror
  7. Clippety
  8. French egg
  9. Per ardua ad astra
  10. Skin for no. 6
Now that didn’t hurt, did it? Answers please on Cadbury’s chocolate eggs asap!