Techo stuff – Page 14 – Boadicea's Chariot

How many times?

The Oscar Pistorius show is back for a re-run. It made fascinating telly the first time, combining the salty ingredients of celebrity, disabled sport, gun mania and the South African judiciary. But its story-line was flawed, allowing the anti-hero to escape with a soft sentence.

Common-sense prevailed though when it came round again. People who fire guns into small rooms, suspecting they are occupied, know they can kill –dolus eventualis. And Oscar did just that.

Now it’s round three, a determined recycling of the evidence for the benefit of a court that obviously can’t read transcripts too well. Does every murderer in SA get such considerate, elaborate treatment? I hope so but I doubt it.

Enough rope

Wanting it and wanting it now was the ‘eighties mantra – and things obviously haven’t changed at all, especially in the two fields that matter most to many people: politics and football. So let me mention a few prize-winners in the race to hang themselves this year.

First in politics, Dave and Donald. The Pied Piper should be their emblem. Follow them to oblivion, folks.

Then, inevitably football. Follow the money, guys. And now they’ve got everything they asked for, they must show us what they are worth. I mean the two Mancunian clubs and their new heroes, Pep and Jose.

This is probably going to be the year of pyrrhic victories, methinks.

90 years hard

‘Alice is marrying one of the guard. A soldier’s life is terrible hard,’ says Alice.

‘Hum hum hum. Nobody can be un-cheered with a balloon.’

Crowd appeal

They are easy to spot – but if you are in any doubt, here are a few naturals:

Boris, not Dave; Donald, not Hillary; Jose Mourinho, not Louis van Gaal; and long ago, JFK, not LBJ.

And if you still need proof, the Leith Lads showed their approval yesterday! And their opponents’ arch rivals will discover that their new manager, Brendan, doesn’t have it.

Male members only

Peter Alliss may have a point! The wives of Muirfield golfers are extended privileges denied to other women – so that’s the obvious route for wannabe female members to follow! There are of course all-women clubs which men cannot join either and even marriage to a WI person will not get fellas access to its mysteries.

So is the fuss justified? Why do the Open authorities disapprove – I mean really? The said females can’t play in the Open either, can they, even if they beat all the men? (That’s different, I hear somebody say.)

Not being a golfer, Backside doesn’t understand but he’s sure some cherished 19th holers will help.

Queer stuff

Call me queer but I’m sure society has lost its marbles.

The Nat Union of Students, always slightly bent, is demanding college accommodation should segregate LBTGwo’evah from er….others, presumably referring to what I call normal folk. (Go on, sue me.)

Why not segregate by colour, religion, football affiliation, hair colour, height, weight, dietary choice – oh and of course country of origin? Not to mention any other passing fad.

And bugger the education.

Test of time

Looking back to my schooldays, I reckon many of my most valuable lessons were learnt by rote. Times tables, spelling, geographical facts and later, sorry, Latin declensions and conjugations. And how did my school teachers check that I knew them? By asking me politely to swear I’d made the effort? No. There was a test!

These days it is no longer pc, human or psychologically acceptable to demand proof of knowledge imparted. The pressure of being examined is too great for the modern child; and if you must check progress, offer multiple choice questions, to give ’em a chance.

Have you seeen the SATS papers for 6 – 11 year olds? Hardly surprising that by 16 so many children are illiterate and unable to do simple arithmetic. Ask employers how hard it is to recruit young people.

Some will blame Alex Salmond, but I think the Bliar Brigade should carry the can, believing you can make a silk purse out of a genetically modified sow’s ear and then cook the books to prove it.

Madness

The Cameron Flatlanders are coming, threatening fisticuffs when Boris’s Bovverboys get us out of Europe. Furry Nuff, but who exactly will be the combatants in the war? The BoE and the ECB? Sir George and Don Quixote?

Sabre rattling and a whiff of grapeshot are all very well but it takes two for a half-decent duel, Dave.

Leicester

Richard III

When I were butter lad, Leicester was a boring city only 24 miles away on the wrong side of the Watling Street. Like my home town Coventry, it’s an unlovely product of Midlands industry with more success hitherto as a ‘rugger’ city; the Tigers are still a force in the pro game.

But now they play a bit of footie too, it seems. And celebrated Mark Selby’s 2nd snooker World title on the same day as the Foxes won the Premier League. Mark’s another Leicester lad.

So what? Well, not much really! Except it makes a change when provincial places grab the headlines innit?

Oh yes, and Richard III’s bones were discovered there! No more wintry discontent now!

Trump aces it

Yes, he is gross and boorish; offensive and arrogant; uncouth and incorrigible, etc, etc…

But his foreign policy speech hits the mark, by pointing out that foreign policy is about establishing and protecting his country’s interests. A blinding flash of the refreshingly obvious!

So UKGov, please note. Enough already of mealy-mouthed false altruism, hand-wringing concern for distant beggars, the pretence that the world cares about the UK’s well-being.

Grow some, Cameron! Learn from Trump’s focus on what matters for us.