There’s an outside chance that our non cricket loving members might enjoy these, I did…
The only time an Australian ever walks is when his car runs out of petrol.
Barry Richards, 1980
Are you going to get out or do I have to come round the wicket and kill you?
Malcolm Marshall to David Boon
Shane Warne: I’ve waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
DaryllCullinan: Looks like you spent it eating. Continue reading “Cricket chirps”
Mission Complete – Thanks Everyone!
This quiz was inspired by my daughter, who claimed that murderers were far more interesting than comedians! Just to make it a little harder, I decided to limit my murderers (or accused murderers) to women.
It was was quite difficult to find ten women, especially as I wanted their ‘cases’ to be ‘different’. There are two American, one Australian and seven British women – and that’s the only clue that I’m giving for now!
Verbatim from The Wall Street Journal March 24, 2911
TURTLE BAY, March 18 — The United Nations Security Council, now on a roll, voted unanimously late Thursday for a resolution condemning the Hunnic Empire and putting Attila on notice about his behavior in Gaul.
Effective Oct. 1, the resolution unambiguously condemns any further use Attila might make of lethal projectiles, rolling siege towers, hate speech or bullying after midnight, Sept. 30. The resolution, which declares zero tolerance for the Huns’ increasingly apparent aggression, provides for an Order of Immediate Contemplation to take effect automatically should they engage in the proscribed behavior on or after the resolution’s effective date.
Such an Order allows the Council to vote again, almost instantly, to put a national government on notice that it is in breach of an earlier resolution, even if the Council’s members have not had time to gather formally and, if humanitarian exigencies demand, before the croissants have fully risen. With 4G videolinks and other advanced technology of today, an Order of Immediate Contemplation can result in unprecedented and devastating contumely.
If a government in breach of such an Order does not desist from the breach forthwith, the Order can ultimately lead, in due course, with the unanimous support of the Council and after a psychodynamic exploration of each member’s feelings, to actual acts, in the Hegelian sense, especially once the U.S. makes up its mind.
Separately but in the same session, the Security Council voted to kill King Claudius of Denmark, approving, with the Danish government’s consent, the use of an unmanned aerial drone to strike at the usurping monarch and avenge our sweet father’s murther with the native hue of resolution. China and Russia abstained. Venezuela and Cuba called for further study.
In a third resolution, the Council agreed to have replied, “And what did YOU get them, a pewter gravy boat?” and really shut your insufferable cousin up when it had the chance at your sister’s wedding in 1997 but it just didn’t think of that then and before you knew it he had moved on to the burrito station and it was too late. U.N. Resolution 598 (the “Esprit d’Escalier Resolution”) resolves that it is 1997 again, for just a minute, so we can see the look on his face.
Finally, the Council, at 3 a.m. and with absolutely nothing on TV, resolved to lock the barn doors after the horses have bolted and to stuff the genie back in the bottle. China and Russia abstained. Libya, currently revolving president of the Commission on Humane Treatment of Animals, raised a point of order on behalf of horses and genies.
Dear fellow Charioteers,
Apologies for the absence this past week, especially for Bearsy’s birthday post, but I have been somewhat preoccupied.
Three members of France’s chess team, including the captain, have been suspended for five years after being caught cheating in the 39th Chess Olympiad in Russia. The method had been carefully worked out between the three of them. While player one was actually competing, player two was using a piece of chess software on his computer elsewhere to find out the best possible moves. He then texted player three, who was in the room where the game was being played. Various positions had already been agreed between them, so if player three went and stood beside a particular table, that signified a particular square on the board. Luckily it was the vice-president of the French Chess Federation who read a message on player three’s phone saying “Hurry up with the next move!” and blew the whistle.
I’m not a chess player and it all seems very complicated. Wouldn’t it have been simpler just to play the game? The whole thing certainly conjures up an amusing picture of a hyperactive Frenchman skipping gaily round the room from one piece of furniture to another.
… there’s just a week to go for submissions on this photo competition. As there has been only one contribution so far you stand an excellent chance of a place!
Most of you may not know Jason Reeves yet and his music but you’ve probably heard and sang along with some of the songs he has written for other artists. He co-wrote majority of the tracks in Colbie Caillat’s double-platinum debut album Coco and worked with her again on her second album Breakthrough. He has also written and performed the song Terrified with American Idol judge Kara Dioguardi. The song was later recorded by Katherine McPhee and Jason Reeves for her album Unbroken.
Reeves is one of those laid back and down-to-earth guys that everybody loves. He’s easy to approach and never acts like a celebrity which is a rarity these days. I’ve had the chance to watch his show three times and he would always take the time to meet up with all his fans and patiently sign autographs and take photos with everyone. Aside from that he shows appreciation to his fans by replying to comments posted in his Facebook account. Whether it’s as simple as answering some question or saying thank you for a photograph that a fan posted in his wall, he just never fails to show that he is appreciative of everyone that supports him and looks up to him. Continue reading “A Night of Music with Jason Reeves!”
My fellow Cherished Colleagues might know that I have a thing about Alan Coren. Every time he crops up on this site, I tend to leap in to trumpet my lifelong (from age 14) passion for the man’s writings. The last time he was mentioned directly was pb’s post
https://charioteers.org/2011/02/20/did-you-play-space-invaders/
In my comment thereon, I said that I was off to find and re-read the tale of the retired ‘Grauniad’ proof reader. I am nothing if not a focused individual, albeit of the tortoise persuasion if Janus is to be believed.
So, been there, found it, read it, enjoyed it and intend to share it with the Cherished Colleague community. I know it’s a bit long but I believe it’s worth the effort. As background for those who do not know, the ‘Grauniad’ was notorious for years for misprints and complete gibberish, proof reading-wise. Much better in that respect in this digital age, but why spoil a good joke? This is the tale in question:- Continue reading “In praise of Alan Coren”
David Cameron visits a science exhibition & is shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. The man in invites him to ask a question. Continue reading “The time machine”
Cape Fear, the name is enough to scare you, why call it that unless someone was really scared by it, anyway we have to get around it to head north so off we go.
It was a nothing, the sea was almost calm and the wind and tide were both with us, about two hours in open water and then back into “The Ditch”
Continue reading “Fear This?”
Boadicea's Chariot 
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