April fool?

There is a report in the Telegraph today which, if it was not April 1st, I could well believe to be true, given the Fascist tendencies of this and the previous government.

It says that the Government are to appoint a “Lights Tsar” department, whose members are entitled to demand entry to your house and turn off any lights that are left on in an empty room. How I hate all present day politicians, even when they are not responsible for something!

The article can be seen here although, thanks to the Telegraph’s new paywall, you may not be able to see it.

Easter Day

Since it’s Easter I can give you a bonus installment from Fantasticks, the peculiar book by Nicholas Breton (1554-1626), a series of sketches, of hours, season and months.  Breton’s take on Easter is a little different from mine, but times do change.

EASTER DAY

It is now Easter, and Jacke of Lent is turned out of doores: the Fishermen now hang up their nets to dry, while the Calfe and the Lambe walke toward the Kitchin and the Pastry: the velvet heads of the Forrests fall at the loose of the Crosse-bow: the Sammon Trowt playes with the Fly, and the March Rabbit runnes dead into the dish: the Indian Commodities pay the Merchants adventure: and Barbary Sugar puts Honey out of countenance: the holy feast is kept for the faithfull, and a knowne Jew hath no place among Christians: the Earth now beginnes to paint her upper garment, and the trees put out their young buds, the little Kids chew their Cuds, and the Swallow feeds on the Flyes in the Ayre: the Storke clenseth the Brookes of the Frogges, and the Sparhawke prepares her wing for the Partridge: the little Fawne is stolne from the Doe, and the male Deere beginne to be hearde: the spirit of Youth is inclined to mirth, and the conscionable Scholler wil not breake a holy-day: the Minstrell cals the Maid from her dinner, and the Lovers eyes do troule like Tennis balls. There is mirth and joy, when there is health and liberty: and he that hath money, will be no meane man in his mansion: the Ayre is wholesome, and the Skye comfortable, the Flowers odiferous, and the Fruits pleasant: I conclude, it is a day of much delightfulnesse: the Sunnes dancing day, and the Earths Holy-day.

Farewell.

Easter poetry winner

Well, our cherished poets certainly dreamed this time, just as they were invited to. So my eggy-toast repast served by a disorientated Backside (unable to deal with the summertime change) has been full of unlikely images. It must be the effects of the subarctic conditions, all recorded here: https://charioteers.org/2013/03/14/easter-poetry-competition/

FEEG’s ode from a bunny was short and sweet, as was Papag’s scientific Christianity; joined later by two ‘blank verses’, LW harking back to a dysfunctional family life and Soutie giving us a new slant on ‘be prepared’.

Then the two heavyweight entries from Araminta and LW. Could I hear our Cilla’s rendering of ‘What’s it all about?’ in Arrers’ poem? Or was it ‘Just imagine’ – life without the DT? And then LW’s tribute to old Eostre herself, whose very own eggs have a lot to answer for (allegedly).

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Happening now with Optional Acid Etching

It has all been a very peculiar winter here.  The weather has been rather coldish and wet with interminable rain but nary a snowflake to be seen, not one.  Then all of a sudden, it stops, gets 20 degrees warmer and full on sunshine!  More like all of sudden it is a different planet!

Of course none of this is to do with ‘global warming’, it is just the usual oscillation of the Pacific doing its El Nino/Nina bit, we have one like this every 5 years or so.

I too have had a peculiar winter to say the least, last Autumn I complained to the doctor of a persistent pain in the back.  Always wanting to know the worst and anticipating a healthy dose of lung cancer after smoking for literally 50 years I manned up, or rather womanned up and presented myself for the usual battery of tests.  Lo and behold, more bloody gall stones!!  Of all the gall! Only about 15% of humanity manage to get them more than once evidently, these are made in the liver on a deo ex machina basis and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it but fish them out!  These beasts were the size of rocks, they were duly fished out but had caused massive reflux through blocking the tubes.  All this was done without any real inconvenience but then the real kicker!  The reflux had been aspirated into my lungs at night and gently acid etched the whole surface!  The pulmonologist assures me the condition is reversible, so off we go with various drugs etc to put it right.  Then the Damocletian blow! Normally the putting it right is accompanied with large doses of antibiotic to keep other diseases away but I can’t use them as I am totally allergic to virtually ever oral antibiotic.  So being in a very delicate condition, I must not be breathed on by anyone or else I’ll end up in the local Lazar house(hospital) in an oxygen tent!

OK folks, you know the drill, retreat, load for bear and mine the drive!  No visitors, cancel everything, go nowhere, do nothing etc etc!  Now this all gets very very boring, so to keep busy I have been growing things on in the greenhouse awaiting the day to get planting outside.  Then the weather broke and a frenzy of activity has taken place, well I’ve got so much in there it all has had to be moved along the system at a great rate of knots.

Image

Early peas, broad beans all out and going.

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Wishful Thinking about Easter

I think Easter is all about women
not all that religion and stuff
It’s spring and their hormones are stirring
to me it is all clear enough

It started back in them Dark Ages
With Eostre, a Godesss, who then
blessed the ladies with something
that makes them so different from men

They don’t like the menfolk to know it
so dress it all up rather well
with eggs, and most of all bunnies
which each have their stories to tell

The eggs women keep very private
in wait for some fellow to call
they only need us for a minute
the rest, they handle it all.

The bunnies, we all know what they’re at
whenever they are given a chance
it’s all really about procreation
and nothing to do with romance

To the poor men I offer this moral
enjoy the weekend of bunny and egg.
The rest of the year could be lonely
unless you are willing to beg.

PS   I’ll find my own way out.

Blank verse

Budding poets can practice their seasonal moves by filling in the blanks below:

When I were a _, I remember,
Our Easters were always a _
‘Cos _ _ liked _ _ and cucumber
While _ _ liked _ _ in her _

In them days the rain never _ _
‘N one year the _ really _
And there’s nowt like a _ at the _ _
With a bottle of _ _ _ _

All submissions will qualify for the Easter Comp! So go for it!

Autism Awareness Day

It’s that time of the year again, Tuesday, April 2nd is the officially designated World Autism Awareness Day

Autism Eastern Cape officially opened it’s Adult Care Facility today, (at last, 10 or is it 12 years after the need was first recognised?)

We had a big wig fly down for the opening function from the department of social services (that’s her on the left) and after a very brief ceremony, prayer, introduction, speech it was all over in 20 minutes or so.

The ribbon across the door had to be repaired after one of the children oblivious to the pomp and ceremony ran through it snapping it in half but after a hasty repair all was well.

As you all know by now, you can’t have an autism function without the releasing of balloons…

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