“You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Mercedes-Benz”

Imagine waking up to that on a Sunday morning.

First things first. Let’s talk Megadeth.

Megadeth front man Dave Mustaine strides through the world of Heavy Metal like a God. “(Metal music) is about doing something no one else does,” Mustaine said. Musty has no tattoos. And that’s totally metal. The title of this blog is the reply he gave to an interviewer when asked why he hasn’t been inked. Consider this viewpoint when looking at the illustrated body of the dimpled-cheeked, old banger of a Northern lass, Cheryl Cole.

Using Cheryl’s bum as the flimsiest excuse to bring metal to the Chariot masses, press the more button if you want to hear a Megadeth video. Go on, you know you want to. Continue reading ““You don’t put a bumper sticker on a Mercedes-Benz””

Return of proper scrums

I don’t suppose this will mean much to the followers of the round ball game, or even followers of Rugby League, but in this new season, the Rugby Union laws on scrummaging have changed, basically back to what they were when I was still playing.

I will not go into technical details, but it is great to see props propping again instead of collapsing in a heap every other scrum, hookers hooking the ball again and the ball being put into the scrum straight, and not right into the back row. The only thing still a bit silly is that the ref has to tell the scrum half when to put the ball in. When I were a lad, this was normally done by the hooker and scrum half devising a set of hand (or at least finger) signals to indicate the most advantageous time to put the ball in. There are still many opportunities for skullduggery in the dark depths of the front row, but it is, as it was, more difficult for refs to spot, unless, like one of my mates, who was an ex hooker, whenever he reffed me, he blew the whistle even on the odd occasion when I was not indulging in naughtiness.

Anyway, the first weekend  of the English Rugby Premiership has provided four exciting games so far, with one to come tomorrow. I look forward to the new season.

Overrated: Fountains

Decorative fountains are one of those things that nobody can walk past without looking at or commenting on favourably. “Spectacular” “Lovely” “Beautiful” “Majestic” jabba, jabba, jabba. When you get to the Davy Jones’s Locker of it you’ll find it’s only a fancy water display. A waste of space, a waste of time and a waste of water. Don’t give me the recycle argument. There must be spillage and water will be seeping away, no matter how much you try to dam it. Continue reading “Overrated: Fountains”

Oberon and Titania watched by a Harridan

The stock in trade of painter Richard Dadd (1817-1886) was fairies as depicted in his most famous work The Fairy Fellers Master-Stroke. The multiple characters in the painting were immortalised on vinyl by the rock band Queen on their eponymous second album Queen II. Dadd’s picture is filled with tiny, meticulous detail and was nine years in the making but remained unfinished at his death. This is yet another one of those unfinished Master-Strokes that artistes leave lying around. The painter wrote a guide book about the painting signifying the various tasks assigned to the hundreds of fairies he had illustrated. Continue reading “Oberon and Titania watched by a Harridan”

By ‘eck!

The residents of Slacky Bottom will be celebrating tonight, quaffing t’ local brew, gorging themselves on pickled onions ‘n t’ tripe, secure in the knowledge that Yarkshire is best.

http://www.theguardian.com/travel/2013/sep/03/yorkshire

So, Marvin, do drop in on your travels. (The name of the pub: Dew Drop Inn. Gerrit?)

Some talk of Alexandria and of Herculaneum,
Of Hexham and Lyme Regis
And of such great names as them.
But of all the world’s great hang-outs
There’s none you’ll choose from yours
Like yon heather and t’ becks, like t’ sheep and like t’ pubs
Of the God-giv’n Yarkshire Moors.

Noddy goes to Westminster

The idea came to me when I saw that some Android software promoted by Google is to carry the name of that scion of York, KitKat. A bit like the Barclays Premier League, I s’pose. And I thought: what’s going to happen when the Heir Apparent, by now older and greyer in fact as well as ideas, eventually gets to wear the crown? What he needs is branding. (OK, I do mean with something hot but only metaphorically. Honest.)

So it will be the Enid Blyton Coronation, themed to the eyeballs with super-sized Noddy cars, smiling bobbies, Toytown buildings and naturally Big Ears starring as the new Mayor or whatever PC title he chooses to adopt.

Regrettably I don’t recall any female participants in the daily life of our two heroes – or even any horses – so the Duchess may have to take a back seat (but not literally, ‘cos there ain’t one) but what jolly fun it will be for the whole family, pretending they are cherished by so many people and living happily ever after.

 

Make Bales of hay while the sun shines

The last minute transfer scramble on football’s deadline day continues to keep aficionados glued to the TV screen in the hope their club has landed a big fish. The cash is splashed without a care in the world. During this transfer window English clubs spent a record £630 million on players! It’s no secret I’m a football fan myself but even I find the money Real Madrid forked out on Gareth Bale beyond the pale. Gareth, fine player that he is, will take home a cool £300,000 a week in wages. No doubt, there will be other bonuses and perks in the small print to boost his coffers.

When will this Madness stop? When will the limit be reached? There is no way this can be sustained. Throughout Europe there have been teams that have faced financial difficulties and gone to the wall. Some of these clubs have dallied in the upper reaches of the game but what needs to happen is for a Real Madrid or a Manchester United to get into trouble before sanity, and lower pricing structures, comes into force.