Don’t read this article …

Don’t read this article in “The Punch” if you are unable to cope with Australian vocabulary and Australian humour.

Don’t click on the picture to access the link if you’re an up-tight Pom, even an expatriate up-tight Pom, unless you’re prepared to be amused by off-beat, tongue-in-cheek commentary.

If you click in error, close the page before you read the article.

If you do read it, don’t slag me off, I didn’t write it.

John Mackie may possible enjoy it – but I could be wrong.

They’ve got to go!

Andrew Hilditch - Chairman of Selectors
Tim Nielsen - Team Coach
Don’t take my word for it – this is Michael Slater‘s verdict. ¬† Though I have to say I agree whole-heartedly with him. 

When a team fails, the coach is for the chop! ¬† It’s tradition. ¬† Between them, these two gentlemen are the primary cause of the decline in Australian cricket. ¬† Sure, Punter and Pup have done their bit to guarantee defeat, but who decided Hauritz wouldn’t play – who kept Cameron White out of the side – sacked Andrew Symonds and ensured that Shane Warne would retire last year?

That’s right – these two crims! ¬† Find ’em a quiet spot in the top paddock, and forget ’em! ūüĎŅ

What’s religion got to do with it?

Latest addition to the Australian Test Squad - Usman Khawaja

One of our journalists headed his article on young Usman’s elevation to the peerage with the remark “First Muslim to represent Australia”.

He received blunt answers from all but one of the on-line commentators, which were all along the lines of ¬†“He’s an Aussie, he plays good cricket, who cares about his religion?” They went on to observe that journos don’t mention the faith of other team members, so why should they try and make an issue out of Usman’s? ¬† It’s a non-event.

Usman himself didn’t see it in religious terms either; he plays guitar (whoops, the Imams will have a fit), plays Playstation (likewise), and doesn’t interrupt his innings to bang his head on the pitch at regular intervals. ¬† He is a non-drinker of alcoholic beverages, but as Katich (his NSW captain) points out, that means he can act as taxi-driver when he joins the lads to go out for a night on the town. ¬† Which he does.

The journo’s efforts to stir up trouble rather backfired. ¬† Good!

Oh, the one dissenter? ¬† He observed that religion must be important, because with the weird selection policy operated by current State boards it was practically impossible for any promising new youngsters to be¬†selected¬†unless they fitted some arcane profile which had little to do with their proficiency at cricket! ¬† Oh, parochial politics in sport – beats religious bias every time! ūüėÄ

So where’s the foreign aid?

Bundaberg, Queensland

An area larger than Germany and France together is flooded.   22 cities and innumerable small towns across Queensland are inundated.   Thousands have been evacuated to rescue centres, thousands have lost everything Рthe cost to the Australian economy has already been estimated to exceed $6 billion.

Yet where are the offers of help from the USA and Britain? ¬† There are none. ¬† No¬†rescue¬†helicopters, no food drops, no financial support. ¬† Nothing, nada, zilch; just a deafening silence. ¬† Special relationships? ¬† Don’t make me laugh.

Where are the generous aid packages from Pakistan, India, Indonesia, China?   There are none; not a brass razoo.

Australia will as always quietly get on with the job, on its own.