Category: Techo stuff

Chinese hospitality

I am assured this hotel brochure is not a spoof:

“Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel
runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You
will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the
bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to
have intercourse with all new guests.

The hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are
always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in
the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in
the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not
allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is
ever left alone to play with them self.

Continue reading “Chinese hospitality”

Dark forces?

Just 10 days ago, Mrs J and I were shopping quietly as usual. At the checkout the machine said ‘Card cancelled’. (!)

Checkout : Close-up of a teen woman paying with her credit card

Within half an hour we arrived at our local bank. They had no idea it had happened or why but the chip had been deactivated by ‘somebody’ and a new card was duly ordered post haste. I sent a WTF message to the netbank ‘system’ in the hope of enlightenment and received a strange reply, to the effect that the bank had been advised by the Tax Office that I did not have an address in Denmark and that the card had been duly cancelled.

That’s strange because in this police state my address is clearly recorded in the ‘folkeregister’ and accessible to banks and other institutions. And a quick phone call to our friendly local taxman confirmed that the records showed nothing which might have prompted any call to the bank. So now I await the assistance of the bank’s CEO who, I hope, was suitably underwhelmed by my experience and ready to investigate. Not holding my breath.

Viking grub, pt. 2

Following hard on the heels of the global gastronomic success earned by the smørrebrød, any self-respecting Scandiwegian will offer you küttbullar or perhaps frikadeller. Meatballs to you, madam, which were for some years announced on the overnight ferries from Harwich to Esbjerg and points north as ‘a Danish speciality’. Laughter rang around decks. No, to be fair, they are special – for their ordinariness.

Frikadeller med kartolfter, broccoli og løgsauce

They are the from the same stable (in the case of IKEA’s menu) as, say, Bratwurst or doner kebab, the ‘left-overs’ solution for butchers and mothers alike. In fact in post-war Coventry, pork butchers sold ‘faggots’ which were much the same: minced or ground cuts or offal bound togther with milk or cream and seasoned to taste with various herbs and spices; fried and served with spuds or owt available.

Not bad with a decent onion gravy.

And to accompany the meal………………. Continue reading “Viking grub, pt. 2”

A pome about magic

I had a boy cousin (still do, come to that)
Whose whole world was, for him, a machine.
While the rest of us played on our bikes in the sun,
He took his to pieces – and not just for fun –
Testing modifications. Would this version run?
With occasional sweets in between.

 

 

 

One Christmas he had an old wireless set
Which he proudly displayed on the floor.
He’d removed all the parts and dismantled its case;
Examined each valve, disconnected the base.
Then (magic!) restored ev’ry one to its place;
Switched it on and it functioned once more!

Three Ds plus one

What is it they say? Death, divorce and dimissal cause most stress and turmoil? Well, just add Disruption by Removal!

When we arrived on 6th May, all but our beds and a few essentials went into the barn – fifty boxes included! And since then we have slowly reclaimed the house room-by-room from the crew who have been re-laying floors, refitting the bathroom and installing new bits of pumbing and wiring for the kitchen appliances. It was all supposed to be done before we arrived but the best laid plans of mice and men…. The main thing is we’re more than happy with the result – a spacious, comfortable farmhouse away from the madding crowd.

And tomorrow we’re promised the arrival of this little puppy:


Continue reading “Three Ds plus one”

Pull the other one

If you want an exercise in suspending belief, try this:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22152700

Allegedly the ultra-orthodox Jews, despite thousands of years of practice, are still unable to find out how to procreate and need a book to help them. “We wanted to give people a sense of not only where to put their sexual organs, but where to put their arms and legs,” the author says. “If you have never seen a movie, never read a book, how are you supposed to know what you do?” Well, sir, as a former schoolboy in the late ’40s and ’50s, I can’t remember my contemporaries ever being uncertain about the positions employed, despite a total lack of access to films or books on the subject. You put the right one in, the right one out, the right one in and you shake it all about. You do the okey kokey and you turn around. That’s what it’s all about. Remember, son?

Go forth and multiply, I say.