Category: Humour

Off choc

 

Imagine my disappointment when I opened the wrapper and was confronted by this?

I stopped at my local corner cafe yesterday and although I rarely purchase sweets or chocolate was tempted to buy a Cadbury’s Bournville slab.

As you can see my chocolate hadn’t withstood the summer heat as well as it should have.Is that a sell by date on the wrapper? (20 Jul 2012)

‘Never mind’ I thought, I’ll eat it anyway, I couldn’t, it’s awful. Crumbly, dry and tasteless.

I immediately called their helpline, I was too late, it only operates during ‘office hours’ What’s the point of that? This is an emergency and they only work office hours!

I know that life’s tough here on the Dark Continent, but let’s face it, there can be no excuses for this.

I wonder if, after the Kraft takeover if it’s even made here anymore? (The Cadbury’s S.A. head office and factory is right here in Algoa Bay)

I’ll be giving them a ring a bit later today, I’ll keep you posted.

 

Ferry clever, Tanjooberrymutts

No engineers. No calculations or load studies.No checklists or inspections. No ‘elf ‘n safety No modifications.No insurance. No pumps. No ballast studies. No tow master. No manuals. No certifications. No contingency plans.

Check out the guys bailing out the water furiously.

Tanjooberrymutts??

All will become clear when you read the next piece 😉 Continue reading “Ferry clever, Tanjooberrymutts”

A proper cup of tea

I must confess that rap music normally bores me stupid, and until now, the best rap I ever heard was the “Rap is Crap Rap” by Graeme Garden, I think, on ISIHAC!. However, this one instructs one how to make a proper cup of tea, and so I think it is OK, although I much prefer coffee to tea.

Warning to those of a delicate disposition, contains some rude words!
Continue reading “A proper cup of tea”

Late arrival – Easter Poetry winner

My title refers not to the winner but to a speeding car which crashed through our hedge at 4 a.m. today! A boozed-up youth was arrested in short order, leaving the car to grace our grass until somebody sorts it out. Luckily none of the five occupants was hurt.

However, I then spent the waking hours reviewing the excellent crop of entries for the Easter comp.  – quantity and quality both.

But how to decide? My shortlist includes those which reflect my own particular likes and dislikes. Papag’s Bubba and Balotelli, FEEG’s Humphrys (except the spelling, sorry!) and Livingstone, Christopher’s Angela and Barack, LW’s Kim and Humperdinck, JM’s Salmond, Soutie’s Nelson and Clarkson, Sipu’s Queen and of course Arrer’s Guardianista. Phew!

So I awarded points for poetic words, alliteration and added vitriol and came up with …….. John Mackie’s cinquain devoted to his bête noire, Alex Salmond:

Salmond, Scottish Nationalist, Hates my country, Slavering, slaistering, sleekit scunner, Shite

Congratulations, John, and thanks to everyone.

Last chance saloon

No, it’s not Clarkson’s latest put-down, it’s the Chariot’s pome comp which ends at midnight tonight. Out of respect for my burdensome rôle as da judge, I have changed my gravatar – which depicts me/us weighed down by gravitas.

Entries to date are already impressive – reflecting cherished colleagues’ natural talent for a vibrant vignette.

So one last push guys, eh?  And as you see I’ve brought along a noggin to celebrate.

Only four days left

That is, if you fancy your chances of winning the Chariot’s exciting Easter pome competition (or if you just like messing with words).

There are plenty of targets at which to aim your vitriol, I’m sure – or on which to lavish your praises too. From the Tideway Twerp to Shivnarine Chanderpaul, from Assad to Bubba, from Balotelli to Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger. The very stuff of the classic cinquain.

Backside

Alter ego

Never looks back

Can’t avoid his gaze

Pest