Category: General

Another beautiful waterside village recently visited is Hallstatt in Austria.  There are traces of human habitation there dating back 7000 years.  Hallstatt is now a UNESCO World Heritage site and because it is situated on a very narrow piece of land between the lake and the mountains, acess is restricted.  Vehicular access is through a tunnel which brings you into Hallstatt Lahn and you then need a sworn affidavit that you have hotel accommodation booked to be given access to Hallstatt Markt, via a very narrow little street.

 

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The teacher says, “OK class, I’d like you to tell me what you really need at home.”

Suzie says, “We really need a new computer.”
The teacher says, “Yes, that would be useful.”

Wendy says, “We really need a new car.”
The teacher says, “Yes, that would be useful too.”

Little Johnny says, “We don’t need anything!!”
The teacher says, “Oh, come on. Everybody needs something.”

Little Johnny says, “No! My Sister came home with a Muslim yesterday, and my Dad said,
‘Well, that’s all we f—–g need !!!!'”

What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?
Amhere!
What do you call the second Afghan off the boat?
Amhere Azwel!
What do you call the third Afghan off the boat?
Amhere Azwel Azhim!

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=hhFkFXFr7NM&vq=medium#t=20

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, ‘Do you know me?’
To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, ‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

> MORAL OF THE MESSAGE: Always understand what a person is saying before responding

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, ‘You Australian folk eat the whole bread?’

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, ‘of course.’

The American blew a huge bubble. ‘We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside.  The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .’

The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted, ‘D’ya eat jam with your bread?’ Sighing, the Australian replied, ‘of course.’

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, ‘we don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia ‘.

The Australian then asked, ‘Do you have sex in the States?’

The American smiled and said ‘Why of course we do.’  The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, ‘And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?’

‘We throw them away, of course!’

Now it was the Australian’s turn to smile.

‘We don’t. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States.  Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s?’