Janus

Juletide approacheth

Like it or loathe it, you can’t ignore it. The first nisser (elves to you) are now multiplying around the supermarkets to herald the season of ill-temper and untold misery for millions. As one small victim put it so succinctly: “dear santa, larst yere you wos a mean bogger.” But I bring good tidings. Yours truly, Janus Agonensis, is setting up in competition with the ageing Arctic benefactor. After all, two heads are better than one and my delivery service is syndicated to low-tax Amazon. So all you have to do is to tell me your deepest desires – which will be fulfilled, subject to your signed agreement to the terms and conditions detailed in a special app available from Boots and all good garden centres, price $49.95. Thank you for your attention and have a nice day. Welcome to the Agonalia! (see Wiki for assistance as required).

Hillary’s horrified

After everything she’s been through, you’d think she was unshockable, but no….., not in Australia!

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

One fat lady’s meals

I used to enjoy the two fat ladies’ cookery programmes – mostly for their clipped vowels and social comments which had their roots in feudal practices long forgotten by normal folk. Unfortunately one behemoth flew too close to the flames and passed on to that Aga-equipped kitchen in the sky, leaving Clarissa bereft of her long-time playmate.

Continue reading “One fat lady’s meals”

Don’t they watch the movies?

A Prescott win would be all the more ironic, since he and the Labour Party, led by Tony Blair opposed the idea of Police Commissioners in the first place

I was amazed when England and Wales plc decided to elect Police Commissioners, politicising the management of local forces. Shades of obese, cigar-smoking, red-neck businessmen manipulating the evidence in Hollywood crime stories. Then, sure enough, enter England’s own obese moron himself, John Prescott, 74, touting for the office in ‘Umberside, Yarkshire! Two Jags, two shags, two-faced Prezza himself! Famous for illiteracy, incomprehensible declarations of principle, violent attention to opponents, no-flunkery (just before he became Lord John, ‘to please his wife’) and £500 million down the tubes when he failed to reorganise the Fire Service. The perfect candidate to oversee law and order, dontchya think? We’ll know tomorrow if he makes it. Unbelievable.

And yes, his side-kick, appropriately, is the execrable Bliar.

This year’s word

I’m not hogging the home page deliberately. It’s the absence of other porcine posters that causes my glut, but I have to mention that the Oxford American Dictionary has plumped for ‘gif’ as the word of the year. Which only goes to prove that I no longer live in the real world. ‘Gif’, my Backside! Something to do with techie life, I hear. I can relate to one of the runners-up, ‘Eurogeddon’ though, that end-of-the-world state caused by eurocratic megalomania.

Another invention from the Great American Election debates – ‘Romnesia’ – struck me as deserving of a place in posterity, to denote that endearing quality displayed by all successful politicians.

Do you have any contenders?

That naughty little sister

Princess Margaret

Backside’s a shameless name-dropper, so when he saw today’s headline about Princess Margaret (a lunch companion many incarnations ago) he insisted I should mention that the good lady was famous for putting it about a bit (and not just the smoke from her ever-present cigarette holder). So maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that a chap in Jersey claims to be her secret son. Continue reading “That naughty little sister”

It might as Welby

On paper the new head honcho at Lambeth Palace has nothing going for him: Eton and Cambridge, a number-crunching career in big biz, severe francophilia and by all accounts a thoroughly nice bloke. Hardly the qualities one expects of the Anglican Anachronism. He’s even talking about rethinking his own opinions on touchy topics! P-lease! To top it all, he’s only been in the first team at Durham for a year; hardly the practice ground for the Lords* work. But not being on the supernatural xmas card list, I don’t have a vote and can’t possibly comment – so this is Justin jest.

*select your own apostrophe, depending on your interpretation of my point.