Juletide approacheth

Like it or loathe it, you can’t ignore it. The first nisser (elves to you) are now multiplying around the supermarkets to herald the season of ill-temper and untold misery for millions. As one small victim put it so succinctly: “dear santa, larst yere you wos a mean bogger.” But I bring good tidings. Yours truly, Janus Agonensis, is setting up in competition with the ageing Arctic benefactor. After all, two heads are better than one and my delivery service is syndicated to low-tax Amazon. So all you have to do is to tell me your deepest desires – which will be fulfilled, subject to your signed agreement to the terms and conditions detailed in a special app available from Boots and all good garden centres, price $49.95. Thank you for your attention and have a nice day. Welcome to the Agonalia! (see Wiki for assistance as required).

Author: Janus

Hey! I'm back ...... and front

7 thoughts on “Juletide approacheth”

  1. Would you believe that I’ve just had my first request for a “Christmas Box” from a labourer who works for a garden service company, I referred him to you 😉

  2. I’d feel a great deal more ‘jolly’ were Christmas not to start quite so early… I left the UK in August last year – and the shops in Oxford Circus already had Christmas displays. Brighton and Brisbane both had Christmas decorations by the third week of October this year.

    The word ‘Agonalia’ just about sums up how I feel by the time the so-called ‘festive season’ arrives. I suspect that a few others feel the same – and are just not rushing around the shops buying up everything in sight! The Christmas Sales have already started and I managed to get a few bargains on items that I wanted to buy anyway.

    My Christmas Wish-List is exceedingly short – but any sum exceeding $49.95 would be very welcome… 🙂

  3. Just been reading Martin Lewis’s column in the DT about cessation of gifts. We have had this conversation before haven’t we?
    Since the boy’s death I have totally liberated myself from all gifts, either giving or receiving, no Christmas, no Birthday, no Anniversaries of any kind. It is quite wonderful, no shopping, no stress, no aggravation.
    I still decorate the house, cook up a storm and throw a few parties for people I actually like but apart from that, one annual cheque to a private no kill animal shelter in Carms does it all!
    Spousal unit actually asked last week if the no gifts policy was still in effect, when confirmed, a beatific smile passed over the visage. I reckon that policy alone will keep me out of the divorce court!
    The thought of all that dreadful chink crap that I wouldn’t dream of owning being given and having to be polite about it is far too much! To be fair spousal unit always had very good taste in jewellery shops, but how much can you wear at once anyway?
    Liberate yourselves!
    The Amazon is a river in South America, just that, it has nothing you need (piranhas anyone?). Keep telling yourself and go and lay down until the urge to shop has passed!

  4. As a non-religious person I am constantly more and more astounded at the commercialisation of Christmas. And as a non-religious person I was also astounded today that the Church of England General Synod voted against women bishops – that’ll do the Church of England a fat lot of good!

  5. I refuse to think about Christmas, Janus. It’s too early.

    I hate this present business; although exceptions are made for small children. I really don’t need anything, and I hate the waste of money. Within the family, we exchange small token gifts and that is all.

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