jhleck

Time and place

Originally I wrote this as a joke back back in the seventies, I had no idea that is might turn out still to be a bit closer to the truth than I had imagined, all these years later

“The time has come to end it all”
he said on looking down.
I’ll leap from this ledge fifty one floors up
Then blackness all around”
In passing by the thirteenth floor
A man leapt into space
A man of dark and flowing locks
A beard upon his face
A man who falling caught him up
And caught him by the ears
And yelled “This is a hijack man
Fly me to Algiers”

All written on location

Now, where is this located?
Although I’m not sure where
And although I’ve never met you,
I know you’ve all been there.

It’s colour scheme? Unusual.
From pinks to deepest blues
And although it has no windows
It offers lots of views.

It has no grounds or gardens
But gardeners here abound
And their horticultural influence
Is spread the world around.

Inside, the depth of learning
Is plain where ‘ere you look
But within its confines
You’ll not find a single book.

So where is this located?
If you don’t know quite where
Here is a simple anagram
Solve this: Dice boot as chair

This years first Christmas story or…

….the joy of grandchildren.

Well to be fair, it’s a last Christmas story actually but in the tradition of a lot of the British redtops, never let the truth get in the way of a good headline.

Just before Christmas last year we, (Grandma and Grumpy) took the oldest grandchild Rufus, to a little fund raising event at the local children’s centre, part of which was Father Christmas in his grotto. Rufus, who is just three, was adamant that he wanted to go and see him. We strolled around the stalls for a bit buying little bits and bobs while Rufus kept insisting that he wanted to and go see Santa

I should explain that normally we all spend Christmas here in Cornwall but, as my son in laws father died earlier this year, they decided that they would spend the Christmas with his Mother, aka “Nanna” in Birmingham. Continue reading “This years first Christmas story or…”

Holy Moses

Made me smile anyway

A burglar broke into a house one night. He was shining his torch around, looking for any items of value, when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked the torch off and froze. After a while When he heard nothing else, he shook his head and switched his torch back on and resumed his search.
He found a DVD player and as he pulled it out to disconnect it from the mains, clear as a bell he heard a voice say
‘Jesus is watching you.’
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his torch illuminated a parrot.
‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yes’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he’s watching you.’
Seeing it was only a parrot the burglar started to relax.
‘Warn me, huh?” he said “Who might you be then?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?’
‘The same kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

Babes and sucklings

This one of those kids exam answers howlers sites

http://funnyexam.com/popular/answers/2

My favourite

Teachers question

“If you had one hour to live, where would you spend it?”

Student answer

“I would spend it in this class, because one hour here feels like an eternity”

Supply and demand in the labour market

Well, well, well,

Barclay’s are about to make hundreds of bankers redundant! No need to pay millions of pounds in bonuses from here on in then, “to attract the right personnel to enable us to compete in a global market”

One for the ladies

Listen ladies,
If a man says he’ll fix something, he will fix it.

You don’t have to keep reminding him about it every six months

Sennen Cove, Cornwall

Sennen Coven

This was taken at Sennen Cove during the last storm (Brigid) The next storm on Saturday is forecast to have waves 5/6ft higher!

Can I claim it on expenses?

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a police officer comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The policeman was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MP’s lined up waiting for a free haircut.