Author: janus

I'm back......and front - in sunny Sussex-by-the-sea

Motivated?

We have all worked in some capacity or other, sometimes with enthusiasm, sometimes with resignation (double entendre maybe).

Now I was once reminded by a (cough) Hun that getting a salary every month should be motivation enough. So with that in mind I’m always amazed that team coaches claim that a key part of their jobs is geeing up their charges. Sporting types being paid zillions of bucks need to be motivated to perform? How’s about their contracts including a clause like ‘perform commensurately with your rewards or butt out’.

Btw, Morten Olsen has just resigned from coaching the Danish footie team after 15 years. Did he ever motivate them to great success? Not noticeably, but maybe he knew all about silk purses and sows’ ears.

Freedom of movement

It looks as if the EU’s Shengen days are numbered.  Queue of lorries at the Ukraine border with Poland

Thank goodness, I hear you say. Sanity returns.

But be careful what you wish for. I remember well the queues of stinking lorries at border crossings, waiting interminably for the cynical attention of the customs crews, who now and then threw a sickie or struck in the name of solidarity with something or other. Train drivers, air-traffic controllers, farmers…..

And if you were unlucky enough to be carrying goods requiring their attention, it was ‘back of the line for you, my lad, car or no car’. I have spent whole half-days between Belgium and France, Holland and Germany. Friday afternoons in summer were always particularly unpleasant among short-tempered drivers eager to get home and short-tempered customs officers reluctant to let them.

Ho hum.

Er…say that again

A driverless car has been stopped for impeding traffic in California, doing 25 in a 35 minimum zone.

Backside wonders how you stop one of them? ‘Scuse me, er, sir, er ma’am, er…’

Does that harridan on the GPS answer back? ‘Type your name and badge number on the screen, press enter. Calculating, calculating. Invalid request. Bugger off.’

Time for segregation

It’s as clear as urinating in snow, as they say in this neck of the woods. The era of playing by the rules ended when contradicting parents, ignoring teachers and disrespecting coppers became the norm.

The world segwayed seamlessly into two distinct societies, the conformers and the rebels; all in the cause of money and power.

But what’s to be done about sports dopers, automotive cheats and common or garden anarchists?

Well, years ago DK sanctioned a district in Copenhagen where the rules don’t apply. It’s Christiania. Of course its freedoms are abused but it satisfies some primeval antisocial urges.

So here’s the thing: sport is easy. Just run two systems, the clean and the ‘open’. Similar to the old gents v. players, amateurs v. pros.

For cars, establish two classes, conforming and others, differentiated by eye-watering tax rates.

All non-conformists would have to choose publicly not to conform but accept the consequences of their choice. Importantly no stigma would attach to it.

It can’t work, you say. No? Well the present set up is a train crash so what’s not to like?

Footie ditties

Jurgen, Jurgen, don’t you stop   (to the tune of ‘Horsey, horsey’)

While your fans up on the Kop

Like your grinning when you’re winning

Jurgen Jurgen Jurgen Klopp

and

All the referees are mad    (to the tune of ‘Eviva espagna’ even though he’s Portuguese)

Says Jose Mourinho

Arsene Wenger’s just as bad

Says Jose Mourinho

They just love him in The Shed

Their Jose Mourinho

Even if he fires the Med

Their Jose Mourinho

I’m so special, I’m the one

Says Jose Mourinho

No one tells him when he’s done

That Jose Mourinho