Any relation, OZ?

A guy is driving around the back woods of Melbourne and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the ASIO.. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’ ‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.

Sixth Photographic Competition 12th – 31st March 2011

The theme for this next competition is ‘The Force of Nature’ – the rules for this one are:

  • Manipulation is limited to the usual basics of fine tuning the colour balance and brightness etc, and cropping to make a good composition, but none of the ‘high tech’ manipulation of shots.
  • Photos should be added in a comment following Bearsy’s guidelines –
  • Each image should be supported by a brief description of the where / why/ how (not too technical) and what the theme means to you, how you interpreted it….
  • Photographs should be taken within the time frame of the competition.
  • The closing date is mid day on Thursday 31st of March (GMT)

Plea for help – calling all gardeners!

I do not profess any knowledge or ability in the world of gardening – much to the shame of my mother! My wife is keen and enjoys pottering about and finds it relaxing whenever she finds time. She has produced a very pretty little cottage garden with lots of things with wonderful Latin names. The roses are beautiful and there are some lovely grasses in tubs.

I have one responsibility only….the tiny patch of grass called a lawn. I have to confess, I like a good lawn. I like it to have nice stripes up and down and I am a little fussy about getting neat edges. But, I have no skills or talent! Yesterday, a lovely quiet sunny and mild Saturday, I set about the first cut of the year. Moss was everywhere but that’s ok. The patches of brown grass where my old lady dog makes use for her ablutions, fine. What I can’t stand is the bumpiness and lumpiness! I know the lawn was only laid 6 years ago, but I am getting irked by the fact it seems to get lumpier every year! My electric mower keeps cutting into the earth as I push it up and down it’s so bad! This year it seems even worse 😦

Should I just chuck top soil in the low bits? Well, that hasn’t worked so far! That’s the extent of my attempts to solve the problem. I’m not a fan of internet surfing so haven’t tried looking there for ideas yet – and I’d really rather not!

Please, please, calling all charioteers – any ideas please? It is only a small patch of lawn – 5m by 15m.