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Fantasticks

A few moments ago while writing a comment on Mrs. Osbornes Antidote post I was struck by how much my words sounded like something I had read some time in the far past.   Digging back in my various messy archives I found the source, I take no credit for the writing, or the spelling.

Fantasticks

by Nicholas Breton

(c1554-1626)

Milton elsewhere used fantastic as a noun too, meaning “someone given to showy dress”. But as a noun it could also mean “a fanciful composition”, and Fantasticks was the title chosen by Nicholas Breton (c1554-1626) for his curiously pleasing series of sketches, of hours, season and months.

It is long out of print, and several years ago Chistopher Howse  of the Telegraph took the trouble to transcribe it over the period of a year.  I thought it delightful and still do.  Here is October, complete with its fanciful spelling.

OCTOBER

It is now October, and the lofty windes make bare the trees of their leaves, while the hogs in the Woods grow fat with the falne Acorns: the forward Deere begin to goe to rut, and the barren Doe groweth good meat: the Basket-makers now gather their rods, and the fishers lay their leapes in the deepe: the loade horses goe apace to the Mill, and the Meal-market is seldome without people: the Hare on the hill makes the Grey-hound a faire course, & the Foxe in the wood cals the Hounds to full cry: the multitude of people raiseth the price of wares, and the smoothe tongue will sell much: the Sayler now bestirreth his stumps, while the Merchant liveth in feare of the weather: the great feasts are now at hand for the City, but the poore must not beg for feare of the stockes: a fire and a paire of Cards keepe the ghests in the Ordinary, and Tobacco is held very precious for the Rhewme: The Coaches now begin to rattle in the street but the cry of the poore is unpleasing to the rich: Muffes and Cuffes are now in request, and the shuttle-Cocke with the Battel-Doore is a pretty house-exercise: Tennis and  Baloune are sports of some charge, and a quicke bandy is Court-keepers commodity: dancing and fencing are now in some use, and kind hearts and true Lovers lye close, to keepe off cold: the Titmouse now keepes in the hollow tree, and the black bird sits close in the bottom of a hedge: In briefe, for the little pleasure I find in it I thus conclude of it: I hold it a Messenger of ill newes, and a second service to a cold dinner.

Farewell.

I wish I was making this up.

But I am not.

Representative Paul Broun (R) Georgia came out recently with this gem “All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and Big Bang theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell”  he is running UNOPPOSED for re-election.  Better yet he is a medical doctor and to cap it all he sits on the House Committee on Science, Space and Technology.

http://blogs.ajc.com/jay-bookman-blog/2012/10/06/paul-broun-evolution-big-bang-theory-lies-straight-from-pit-of-hell/?cxntfid=blogs_jay_bookman_blog

Believe it or not Broun is joined on that committee by Todd Akin (R) Missouri, his most recent claim to fame is that he is telling people that doctors are performing abortions on women who are NOT pregnant.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/02/todd-akin-abortion-providers_n_1934305.html

Where do we find these people?

Why do others vote for them?

But most of all why are THEY put in positions of authority over science and technology?

M.A.S.H.

Shortly before midnight just over 3 weeks ago, I was wakened by a call from my sister in London. Given that I had been staying with her a week earlier and with the knowledge that she does not normally call to exchange idle banter, even in my sleep-soaked state I was immediately prepared to expect bad news. And indeed it was pretty damn shocking. She told me that my 31 year old nephew and god-son, had committed suicide a few hours earlier; not her son, but that of one my brothers. It turned out to have been a very considered and deliberate act, but horrific in its fulfillment. Continue reading “M.A.S.H.”

Cans and cant’s

My uncle used to visit us on many occasions when I was young and my father would share a few beers with him. They used to have a competition to see who could crush an empty can of beer into the smallest pulp. Their rough hands would destroy the piece of tin. This machismo impressed me for awhile until I posed the question- could they return the squashed can to its original state? Now the assault course on the Krypton Factor would be a breeze for these guys, this intelligence test part that I’d put to them was more of a challenge. Continue reading “Cans and cant’s”

Only if you’ve read it

No doubt the less inhibited inmates at the Big House have already done this to death but here in the hushed corridors of the Colosseum I’ve seen no mention of THAT BOOK (or books to be exact) which now outsells Harry Potter and probably the Bible and will soon challenge Mrs Beeton. Continue reading “Only if you’ve read it”

The War Journal: And The Bands Played On

Ratty had returned from the ale house stinking of Hobgoblins. He emptied himself of his denim jacket but kept on his black muscle T-shirt. He had great affection for his T-shirt stained as it was with the bloodied sauces of defeated kebabs. It also doubled as a good night shirt. Plonking his torso down on the settee Ratty readied himself for sleep awaiting his nightly nightmare with relish.

“There’s nothing better than a good nightmare.” he said to himself. “I wonder what devil Beelzebub has put aside for me tonight?” Continue reading “The War Journal: And The Bands Played On”

Rain stopped play in Copenhagen

We’re back home from the capital having bailed (almost literally) a few hours early owing to cloudbursts at noon yesterday – until which juncture the whole expedition had been a great success. As always it’s the basics that count! We stayed in a northern suburb in the Scandic Eremitage – a train ride back to the city centre. So parking was convenient and free, and the accommodation more than adequate, with a breakfast buffet thrown in. We’ve used the Scandic group for years around the region – in Uppsala, Stockholm, Bergen and Oslo – and they usually come up to scratch. They do a frequent guest scheme which offers the keenest prices. Continue reading “Rain stopped play in Copenhagen”

Getting rid of cookies the easy way

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly provided us with a sprinkling of memorable quotes, not least-
“You see, in this world there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.”
I’ve been thinking that in this world there is two kinds of people- those that take hundreds and thousands with their cookies and those that don’t. I do.

When projectionists go wild

Before the multiplex took over the world there was an abundance of picture halls. Most of these cinemas were what were called flea pits. It didn’t matter that they were called flea pits, they were still filled to capacity. Affordable and with a wide variety of fare on offer, the films did a roaring trade with the populace. These were the days of the ice-cream lady with her tray of ice-cold goodies. The usher with a torch. The likeable greeter at the foyer. (Walmart retired greeters from their stores recently, a business update you might have missed) Cinemas employed a vast variety of people- from cleaners to admin staff.

My mother told me recently that my uncle James worked as a projectionist in one of the picture halls. And then she told me of the time uncle James turned up for work, let’s just say, worse for wear. James put the reels on wrong and the film played upside down. The audience were vocal in their consternation. James retrieved the situation and got things back to normal. He didn’t get fired. He continued working for a good few more years.