Category: Humour

In praise of Alan Coren

My fellow Cherished Colleagues might know that I have a thing about Alan Coren. Every time he crops up on this site, I tend to leap in to trumpet my lifelong (from age 14) passion for the man’s writings. The last time he was mentioned directly was pb’s post

https://charioteers.org/2011/02/20/did-you-play-space-invaders/

In my comment thereon, I said that I was off to find and re-read the tale of the retired ‘Grauniad’ proof reader. I am nothing if not a focused individual, albeit of the tortoise persuasion if Janus is to be believed.

So, been there, found it, read it, enjoyed it and intend to share it with the Cherished Colleague community. I know it’s a bit long but I believe it’s worth the effort. As background for those who do not know, the ‘Grauniad’ was notorious for years for misprints and complete gibberish, proof reading-wise. Much better in that respect in this digital age, but why spoil a good joke? This is the tale in question:- Continue reading “In praise of Alan Coren”

Neat bomb patterns

In the 60s and at the height of the ‘Cold War’ I was stationed in Germany for three years. I had a really nice time there, to the point of considering going back to work and live there when I left the forces in 1969. Well, I didn’t, but I did have a life changing experience there. I read ‘Catch 22’ by Joseph Heller. Reading this book wasn’t my prime reason for not signing on to a retirement age in the forces, but it was a contributing factor.
Continue reading “Neat bomb patterns”

Murphy’s Lesser-Known Laws

  1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
  7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
  8. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Chariot U.N. resolution #1

Ever fancied being a high flying diplomat?

How about having your children’s education at one of the best colleges in the world paid for, a Caribbean holiday perhaps,  a Maserati or one of these Rolex watches that Tiger Woods promotes?

Now’s your chance!

We are voting on:

a no fly zone over some tinpot dictators country but wait, theirs more we can also decide if we should allow “all necessary measures… while excluding an occupation force”, to be taken to protect  civilians.

There’s a whole load of waffle first and a load more at the end but the above paragraph is the important bit! You can read the other stuff here.

Vote now, too late I’ve closed it 🙂

So, what do we think?

Cutting & Pasting (gerund-wise)

In  2006 The Iconclast writing for The New English Review published an article on his web page with the exciting title , ‘Breaking news – English has a gerundive‘.  I came across the article following a challenge to one of my comments on a  MyT post from ‘beanbeab (stefa)’.  This was some few years back, and I was always happy to have my use of English  corrected by the now sadly departed and greatly missed beanbean.  As I’m sure she suspected, my knowledge of the gerund (and I suspect that of most other people) was non existent.  Either that, or buried in some long unopened memory vault.  Nevertheless, my fleeting contact with beanbean did revitalise my interest in the English language.  An interest that I now avidly pursue.  In a recent parody  I composed based on ‘Sea Fever by John Masefield’ , the following line became a real test for a bear of very little brain:-


“I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide” Continue reading “Cutting & Pasting (gerund-wise)”