Author: tocino

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..
and those who don’t and are always
seen with a bottle of water in their hand. Continue reading “A glass of wine”

David Cameron visits a science exhibition & is shown a time machine which can see 100 years into the future. The man in invites him to ask a question. Continue reading “The time machine”

A far more accurate account of The Three Bears and the events of that fateful morning….

Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. ‘Who’s been eating my porridge he squeaks.” Continue reading “The Real Story”

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
8. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Food for thought.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford… Continue reading “A joke to start the week off.”

A fifteen year old boy, from a remote Scotish island, and his father were visiting the big city one day. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. Continue reading “Magic Lift”