Hairy Fruit

Side whiskers, mutton chops and handlebar moustache are just some of the varying facial hair styles for men. Being clean shaven all my life I have never tailored my facial appearance with any sort of fuzz. It’s all been done before, hasn’t it? And for the beardy-wearers you end up with a nickname of a more famous person. Here’s Heisenberg. Here’s Abraham Lincoln. Here’s ZZ Top. Here’s Freddie Zapata. Here’s …

However, while tugging at my smooth chin in deep Thinker thought I decided to let there be growth. And, naturally it had to be a new style. I viewed acres and acres of all the furs that were man made and opted for a variation on the neck chop.

A famous Neckchopper

The neck chop would be trimmed back and hair would only grow on my Adam’s apple. This Spartan look doubles up as a new trend and fool proof safety measure as it means I won’t cut my AA with a razor blade. Shaving around this area is Eden hazardous. Problem solved.

Funny old thing the Adam’s apple. Eatemallogy says it’s from the bible involving fruit and the first man. He bit off more than he could chew and it got stuck, apparently. My own belief is that it didn’t originate from the dawn of time but was coined by Milton Bradley. Yes, we’re talking Operation here. Charley Horse, Bread Basket et al. Including, Adam’s Apple. Careful with those tweezers, Eugene.


10 thoughts on “Hairy Fruit”

  1. If being clean shaven was good enough for the Romans it’s good enough for me. I can’t understand why anyone wants hair on their face.

  2. It looks like a built in scarf!
    Many denizens of Bellingham, called Bellinghampsters, wear beards.
    You can always tell how left wing they are by the length of their beards and the length of their trousers. They wear shorts and sandals in all weathers.
    Avoidance thereof is a jolly good reason for living out in the County.

  3. Hair is an elusive, nay contrary appendage. When you want it, it won’t oblige; when you don’t, it proliferates. Ditto where and how. I suppose it is groomed (or not) because it is our only feature that can be styled without surgery. So willynilly its appearance is interpreted by others as a statement. It curls, so we straighten it; it’s straight, so we curl it. It’s blond(e), so we black it; it’s black, so we blond(e) it. It falls out, so we weave it; it sprouts so we shave it, wax it and pluck it. You can hardly blame it for rebelling. Mine? A fetching silver blond in the style I’ve had since about 1962, left-side parting, no messing.

  4. Since I grew a full set in 1969, I hesitate to calculate the extra hours in bed I have had of a morning, not having to shave. A quick trim every couple of weeks is all that is needed now. Also, being of a heavily testosterone laden metabolism, I had to shave twice, if not three times a day.

    And another thing, if I shaved it off now, Mrs FEEG would probably divorce me. She and a lot of young ladies I met before I met her were very attracted to it, especially as it was long enough to be soft and silky. The only problem with it now is that it is considerably greyer than it was 50 years ago!! 😦

  5. FEEG, I remembered your hirsute state! I never tried it. At first because I couldn’t, later because no lady could fancy me hairy. I quite understand the plight of hairy men.

  6. I’ve always been clean-shaven. It’s far less work that way. A few minutes 3-4 times a week means that my face is always clean and that there are no unfortunate bits of food or coffee/tea affixed to the ends of hairs. I’ve had the same short, brown hair since I was a boy. Well, it’s gradually going a bit grey and it’s not quite as thick as it used to be but it works and I don’t yet look like I’m about to be carted off to the old age home.

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