Norwegian Virgins

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, takes a lightning-quick kick from a cow…right in his crotch.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said ‘How bad is it Doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena , is still a Virgin – in every vay.’

The doctor told him, ‘Olof, I’ll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal, and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it in there as long as you can. He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together…quite an impressive work of art.

Olof mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon to Duluth.

That night in the Motel 6, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts.

She said, ‘Olof…you’ re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.’

Olof immediately drops his pants and replies, ‘Look at dis Lena ….still in DA CRATE.’

Murphy’s Lesser-Known Laws

  1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
  5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
  7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.
  8. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

For the first time in 6 years a new handbag.

Six years ago my aunt sent me a handbag from Germany to use. It has served my purposes very well,
though the time has come for a new one. The poor bag is filthy, stained, scratched up, and is missing the pull for the main compartment. As I have upgraded my main pen and pencil, courtesy of our own furry-arsed mustelid, I have chosen to upgrade that as well. I have placed the order for it and hope to receive it before the end of my spring holiday.

Good Memories of Elsewhere

Every so often, I dive into the archive of my blogs on the Other Side with a view to saving them across to my WordPress site. For the avoidance of doubt, and, in my own opinion, this is not because the world would be a poorer place if MyT (Beta) went belly up and lost all of my carefully crafted prose to posterity.

It’s just that I enjoyed writing them at the time and hope to enjoy reading them again in the future, even if I might, by then, have forgotten that I wrote them.

Most of them are private on my WordPress site, but there’s the odd one that I feel the need to share with my fellow cherished authors. This one is a case in point. Continue reading “Good Memories of Elsewhere”

Chariot U.N. resolution #1

Ever fancied being a high flying diplomat?

How about having your children’s education at one of the best colleges in the world paid for, a Caribbean holiday perhaps,  a Maserati or one of these Rolex watches that Tiger Woods promotes?

Now’s your chance!

We are voting on:

a no fly zone over some tinpot dictators country but wait, theirs more we can also decide if we should allow “all necessary measures… while excluding an occupation force”, to be taken to protect  civilians.

There’s a whole load of waffle first and a load more at the end but the above paragraph is the important bit! You can read the other stuff here.

Vote now, too late I’ve closed it 🙂

So, what do we think?

On a somewhat lighter note

I came across this article in the German tabloid Bild – yes, I do read some downmarket newspapers, but I was looking for German comment on the Libyan allegations about Sarkozy.  This pigeon-fancier won a competition in Leipzig in December by sticking extra feathers on his bird with the adhesive Uhu. Poor bird! Anyway his crime has just been discovered, but apparently such subterfuges are not unknown in the world of pet shows.

BILD article here

Perhaps Sarkozy could argue that he just borrowed some extra feathers from Gaddafi for the presidential election and will take them off and return them shortly.

A busy day

Scratch card

A busy day today, all of our pubs have a Guinness promotion, every card is a winner. We have the England West Indies knockout match on today, starts 11am our time and lasts the whole afternoon  (if England lose they go home!)

You might not see me this afternoon, I’m sure that I saw a cherished colleague rule about ‘drinking and blogging’ 🙂

Happy St. Patrick’s day