Smart arse!

Two businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop…

As yet, the shop wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other…

“I bet any minute now some pensioner is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when a curious old woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked… “What are you selling here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically… “We’re selling arse-holes.”

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said

“Must be doing well… Only two left.”

Pensioners: Don’t mess with them … they maybe old, but they are not stupid.!!!

The thirst for a friend

They tell me that social life these days is all about getting the most friends on your FaceBook file. Not that you know most of them (in any normal meaning of the word) from Adam or Eve, or even care who they are; as long as you can parade their names and faces as being ‘yours’. Even today I received an email asking if I wanted to be ‘Linkedin’ with a chap in Coventry. Nothing strange there, you reply. My home town, old friend? Well, yes and no. The chap married a childhood/family friend about 45 years ago and I’ve never met him! Would I like to learn more about him and share my thoughts? Er, not really, but thank you for asking. (I think.)

Then there is the latest Starbucks gimmick – asking customers their names. “Hello, I’m Sherry and I’m your barista today. What shall I call you?” I shall of course now avoid Starbucks even more studiously than before, since I would be likely to disappoint them on several fronts. a) I just want coffee, not a weird beverage with a life history and geography thrown in. b) I prefer to be anonymous (people tell me I am, effortlessly). c) I hate American chumminess which seems to demand that we are all welcomed like immigrants at the Staten Island depot. It’s a cup of coffee FGS! d) Every other customer below the age of 50 will be studying their ipod/ipad/laptop/notebook, making even more cyberfriends and ignoring the aromatic reality of a coffee shop where normal people meet in person.

O tempora, o mores!

Sparrowhawk outside my kitchen door!

Mid afternoon, and a resounding crash from the direction of the kitchen. I rushed from the sitting room, flung open the kitchen door; just outside, a bird of prey atop a dead pigeon. I can only imagine that the very dead victim had crashed into the door in a desperate attempt to flee from the bird of prey.

Continue reading “Sparrowhawk outside my kitchen door!”

Monkey Business

Monkey was a ‘give away’ associated with a popular brand of tea ( CORRECTION INSERTED: on the TV ad, any fule kno that Johnny Vegas is the straight man to Monkey who is actually voiced by Ben Miller – the one that looks like Rob Bryden) – my Monkey arrived in a box of tea well before Christmas 2010 and has lived in my car ever since. He’s still wearing his Christmas jumper and I felt it was about time he had something else to wear so I bought him a daffodil.

The daffodil appeal is run every year by Marie Curie, a UK-based charity providing care for those with cancer – in this area they work closely in collaboration with the primary health care teams, most commonly providing night-time nursing to support those who chose to die at home. The care is free to the patient and the family. Some of you may remember I have done sponsored swims in previous years and though I am slow to get going, I plan to do the same again this year! (Now I’ve told you, I shall just have to get on with it…)

Here’s monkey sporting his new daffodil

and listening to his favourite author.

I’m running, well, flying away.

Tomorrow I will run away. Well, actually, taken an aeroplane and fly away. I’m not quite energetic to sprint across the Pacific Ocean from San Francisco to Seoul. My journeys in Asia promise to be quite busy. In Korea I will be met by an old acquaintance, a Koreanwho is eager to take me around with one or two of her friends. Other than perhaps feelings bit like Gulliver it has all the makings of an ideal situation. She knows the country, language, and how to prevent me from getting into trouble. One of her friends, who might be joining us, would like to help me with my graduate programme as he has already gone through it. My proposal to write about Korean history has been accepted and the only thing left to worry about is the final details.

Dongdaemun (actually, my hotel is in this area), Namdaemun, Insa-dong, Suwon, the palaces… The food, the Han river, the bridges… The lights of the city, the smells, the sounds. The quixotic excitement, the realisation that not even 50 miles away is North Korea, one of the most insane lands that side of San Francisco or a Livingstone supporter’s house.

After Korea comes what promises to be even busier… Continue reading “I’m running, well, flying away.”