Oops!

I just got sacked from my job with the Samaritans.

A guy called Abdul phoned and said, “I’m lying on the railway track waiting
for the train to come”.

All I said was, “Remain calm and stay on the line” ..

The envy of less happier lands

The Politecnico di Milano

By way of recognition, nay celebration of the hegemony of this royal throne of kings, this scepter’d isle, this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, this other Eden, demi-paradise, this fortress built by Nature for herself against infection and the hand of war, this happy breed of men, this little world, this precious stone set in the silver sea (etc.), some wonderfully prescient people in the Politecnico di Milano have decided to adopt our language for the purposes of teaching.

This is but the beginning, in Jubilee and Olympic year, of Britain’s Big Comeback. (No, not flatulence, you fool.) Our Renaissance, our call from the bench of civilisation in extra time, with the World Cup of Cups itself at stake.

Would that the Argentinians and the Spanish might abandon their forlorn attempts to claim our sovereign territories and bow down to a superior race of men (and a few girls these days too).

(The organ sounds a crescendo of chords to lead us in Jerusalem, swell to great, no less.)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-17958520

Curiouser and curiouser – USA-style

So a fella goes to Wal-Mart to buy some mulch for his legal marijuana plants. Nothing unusual so far, eh? He goes to brush a stick out of the way and ouch! It’s just a small but not-so-inoffensive rattle-snake. He survived, the shopper that is.

Sometimes it’s not SO boring living in Vikingland!

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2012/05/15/oukoe-uk-usa-walmart-rattlesnake-idUKBRE84E02N20120515

Love it or Hate it?

Apparently the Marmite factory in New Zealand had to close following the earthquake and now there is a shortage of the product, which is different, apparently, to the UK version. Thicker and stronger, I believe.

“An announcement by New Zealand’s leading manufacturer of the black sandwich spread, Marmite, has sparked “marmageddon” fears among Kiwis.”

Before Christmas a different version of the usual UK Marmite came out … I wonder how that compares?

In the 80’s in Australia we became accustomed to Vegemite, though it is but a poor substitute – but I have never tried the New Zealand version: can anyone add to this taste debate? Continue reading “Love it or Hate it?”

Good God

After getting all of Pope Benedict’s luggage loaded into the limo, (and
he doesn’t travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing
on the curb.

‘Excuse me, Your Holiness,’ says the driver, ‘Would you please take your
seat so we can leave?’

‘Well, to tell you the truth,’ says the Pope, ‘they never let me drive
at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I’d really like to drive
today.’

‘I’m sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my
job! What if something should happen’ protests the driver, wishing he’d
never gone to work that morning.

‘Who’s going to tell’ says the Pope with a smile. Continue reading “Good God”