Category: Humour

Have you seen my cows?

Last night Boadicea and I cooked a roast for our Aussie grandson and his current girlfriend.

She’s every inch a modern Brisbane girl; she’s tall, elegant, intelligent, poised, and has that sort of healthy physique that tells you she would be equally at home on the high-fashion catwalk as she would be as a beach-bunny surfing a 5 metre wave or outback wrestling a croc – and winning.

At present she’s teaching in Charters Towers, a small rural town in far north Queensland, one of the places where cyclone Yasi stormed through earlier this year.   She entertained us with stories of the storm and chatted about the effect on the local children of the recent Gillard knee-jerk halt on live cattle exports.

But the tale she told us to illustrate some of the differences she’s found between life in the capital city and in her bush town, bears repeating. Continue reading “Have you seen my cows?”

What does a redneck do with a golf cart?

I was given a golf cart as a birthday gift this year, the first mate decided I needed help getting around the property, the mailbox is about half a mile away at the end of the driveway and up a steep hill, it is quite a hike but not one that I make every day. The gift was greeted with a sigh and as much oh! yes and ah! perfect as I could manage on the spur so to speak.  Anyway it’s a two-seater gasoline powered 1994 model and has the thing on the back where one would keep the bag of sticks if one gorfed which I of course do not, and incidentally never have excepting for one game in the full innocence of youth when convinced by my Scottish uncle James MacDonald Millar that this would be a useful skill to have in later life I attempted a round (he lied).

The Metamorphosis

Damn, this is a great country!

This morning I  went to the Benefits Office to sign my dogs up for welfare.  At first the lady  said, “Dogs  are not eligible to draw welfare.” So I explained to  her that my dogs are  mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak  English and have no frigging clue  who their Dads are.  They expect me to feed  them, provide them with housing  and medical care.
 
So she looked in her policy book  to see what it takes to qualify.

My  dogs get their first cheques next Friday.

Mega Joke

WW1 explained using a bar fight as a metaphorical learning vehicle.

From a history teacher in the UK. I wish I had history teachers like that….

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Continue reading “Mega Joke”