Author: Christopher-Dorset

I walked through Huzhou last Saturday in a desperate attempt to change money. I did not expect a good rate of exchange or stellar service, but I did expect it to be possible. After all, even with the rise of touch-pay mobile phones and nearly-universal use for bank cards it is still advisable to carry some cash. My efforts were futile. Most banks only exchange money on weekdays and only for their customers. The one bank that will exchange currency on weekends for non-account holders is the Bank of China but they require extensive documentation and special residence papers. At that point, I had neither. In frustration I quietly returned to my flat with a small pile of cash in hand that might as well have not existed. I went to sleep nervous. The internet installer was supposed to have come the following day and I could not pay him. At around 1 AM I woke up and decided to give it a last go. A bank was 2 blocks away and they had a secured cash machine. My losing streak broke – my account was open and I could withdraw cash.

Continue reading “Living with the Han 2: other than that it wasn’t so bad.”

My grandparents and a family friend, an eccentric Pole of partial German parentage, drove me to Konz Hbf. I felt little when I left. To say that my efforts in Hunland were in equal measures frustrating and frustrated is to verge past the point of understatement. Yet, I could not manage to muster much enthusiasm for China. The process thus far has been long, costly and drawn-out. That my nerves were already taxed to the breaking point led me to having a certain measure less patience than I normally would have had. Still, it seemed as if things worked out in the wash.

Continue reading “Living With the Han 1: Spite and Malice From a Thousand Li Away.”

No less tedious than most “news” stories — and perhaps slightly more amusing in sick, twisted way!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/craigsilverman/people-in-toronto-created-a-memorial-to-a-dead-raccoon-after?bffb&utm_term=4ldqpgp#.xle5byzBm

I fear, Oberkommandant Backside that our cover has been blown due to poor choices in plants. My mission to peacefully integrate the United Kingdom into a greater German Empire has not gone as planned. In shame, I will resign from the mission and go into self-imposed exile in China. I regret that my failure will lead to Germany’s continued Orkney Cheddar deprivation. The fault, however, is not entirely my own. Your choice of Dougal MacDog as mole was a poor one indeed. Also, you seriously underestimated the abilities of Scotland’s two finest Mi6 agents, Mr and Mrs Mackie.

Continue reading “Och Aye”

Greece has voted “oxi” to the EU’s demands. Fair enough, they’ve achieved nothing but making an already bad situation infinitely worse over the past 6 years. Over the last week there were countless threats from all corners of the Old Continent should the Hellenes not bow to the pressure of the Huns and Allies. So will the sky now fall? Will the Flying Dutchman sail on Syntagma Square? Will Godzilla tear down the Acropolis? Or will, in extremis, the Bank of Greece simply print 20-euro notes by the stone? It’s worth keeping in mind that the Latin Monetary Union collapsed after Greece and Italy printed banknotes past the last inch of credibility.

It is 99 degrees here in Germany with high humidity. We have no air-conditioning and all fans are sold out. I will shortly lock myself into a cellar.

Should my paperwork from China not arrive prior to my departure date, I have found another possible career: a diver for the Philippines. After reviewing the following video, I concluded that I would be at least as talented!

In the past I periodically posted music videos but have not done so in some time. Here is an effort to redress that.

So the Swedes win Eurovision again. It only took them two years! I am pleased that Australia did well and has shown interest in competing again. My personal favourite entry, Norway, also did well at 8th place. Meanwhile, the Huns and their neighbours, the Austrian Huns, have competed with each other for null points saving the United Kingdom from bottom place again. You are welcome. Next year, watch out for China competing. In the process, could they please colonise Hunland? I’m sure they couldn’t run the place into the ground any more than the present lot!