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New towels, please

For every match the players at Wimbledon are issued with two towels. These are the property of the All England Club. Post-match the deal is they are returned to the nearest ball boy. Not so. The players walk off court with them. Stealing in plain sight. The used towels are then given to friends, family or auction. You can never be too wealthy.

I’ve written before on the despicable practice of the players towelling off then hurling their sweat-drenched towels to ball boys between every point, passing on all their germs. I’d now like to chastise their manner when “asking” for the towel; they point at it: fetch. The slave children then serve their masters with this greasy piece of fabric.

Why don’t the players ask the child, nicely, to hand them their towel? Do they think our young are stupid? The bright young things are more multi-lingual than their ancestors were at that age. I’m sure they would know a smattering of Serbo-Croat, a slice of Swiss, a chip of Czech, and, naturally, be faultless at French.

Our ball boys are too nice but it would be good if at the end of the contest they employed their linguistic skills to volley abuse at the robbers. Stop złodziej oddać nam nasze ręczniki kurwa.

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  1. christinaosborne
    July 2, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    One would presume they were meant to be stolen. Had they really wanted them to be handed back they should have issued plain white unidentifiable linens. No one would have bothered then.

  2. July 2, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    Haw JW.

    I think that you will find that they are all ball young people now, Assuming that ‘ball’ is not too gender-identifying these days.

    Moving on, is ‘Kurwa’ also not a wee bit sexist in the brave New Caledonia (caring and inclusive unless you are English) of the Blessed Nicola?

  3. July 2, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    Those poor sphere-youngsters (c) are probably from deprived, public school backgrounds, already suffering the worst Britain can offer – both pride and prejudice. There are no bacteria they haven’t been exposed to at school.

  4. July 2, 2016 at 5:37 pm

    Btw, Sam the Yank beat the no. 1, so Andy should get there – if he survives his current lapse in concentration.

  5. sheona
    July 2, 2016 at 7:55 pm

    Janus, there’s still Federer to be dealt with.

    TR, a slice of Swiss. Which language would that be?

  6. July 2, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    I threw that one in to see if any one was paying attention, Sheona. Well played.

    (liar, liar ..etc)

  7. Boadicea
    July 2, 2016 at 11:16 pm

    Janus – My old school provided ball-girls for Wimbledon. Those chosen were very much as you describe them, and insufferably snooty to those of us who preferred Maths and History to chasing balls around courts, or pitches.

  8. July 3, 2016 at 7:07 am

    It is a school phenomenon that the sport-freaks are held in higher esteem by their peers than the academics. It is a perfect preparation for later life, especially here on the Chariot!! 🙂

  9. July 4, 2016 at 7:06 am

    Allegedly Andy and Serena are big on snaffling the towels – nice pressies for fans and family. 😦

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