HONEYMOON….

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “What’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird.

“I had tolio as a child,” he answered.

“You mean polio?” she asked.

“No, tolio . The disease only affected my toes.”

When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked

“What’s wrong with your knees? They’re all lumpy and deformed!”

“As a child, I also had kneasles,” he explained.

“You mean measles?” she asked.

“No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees.”

The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.

As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.

“Don’t tell me,” she said.

“Let me guess…

Smallcox !

Yartz

It appears that the winner of this year’s Turner Prize is a female Jockanese ginger, one soi-disant Susan ‘Philipsz’.

The general theme of the ‘intros’ by the establishment luvvies was that “art matters”, whatever its apparent merit. Does it really? Why does ‘yartz’ not face the same rigours of the commercial market like everything else, apart from public services and anything else arranged by The State. If it’s cr*p, then nobody will pay to see/listen to/’experience’ it and the corpse will die a well-deserved, quiet death rather than be kept alive by taxpayers’ money.

OZ

French lessons

The juxtaposition of two items in my English language French newspaper suggests there are some things that the Brits can learn from France.

The first item is about immigrants parked on the French coast on their way, they hope, to England. The item cites an Afghan couple, he 25 she 18, who have a small baby living with them in an unofficial camp nicknamed The Jungle. The husband tells us that there is nothing for them in France, while the wife speaks of her dream of having a nice, warm apartment in London. They clearly know that if they manage to enter England they will be given money and accommodation. Meanwhile, in France, their camp was raided by the CRS and cleared of occupants. The only concession to this couple was they were allowed to stay where they are, because of the baby. In France they are supported entirely by volunteers and have no claim on the French state.

The second item was a letter from an Englishman warning anyone planning a return to the UK to think twice. He has several reasons for saying this, but the one that struck me most forcefully concerned prices charged by public utilities, those parts of the infrastructure that were once publicly owned, but were sold off to the private sector. He specifies electricity, pointing out that whereas EDF is allowed only modest increases in France, its price increases in the UK are far in excess of these limits. This corresponds with the tales I read of gas prices, rail fares and so on. Privatisation appears to have been no more than a licence to rip people off.

WiKiLeaks Roman Style -December CW Competition

from THE ROME GRAUNIAD KAL. APR. DCCLIV A.U.C.

The foundations of Rome continue to be rocked by the latest revelations from the renegade author of ViCiEffluvia, Julianus Celerimus Assanginus. He has  managed to get his barbarian hands on copies of thousands of government scrolls sent to Eternal Rome by her legates, prefects and envoys from   throughout the whole Empire and beyond. As citizens will know, Assanginus has been appearing in the Forum and other public places, gabbling out extracts from these confidential documents at the top of his voice and then taking off like lightning before the authorities could apprehend him. Continue reading “WiKiLeaks Roman Style -December CW Competition”