Goodbye, Mister Jim

Mr. Jim died last week, he was a regular at the place I have eaten breakfast most mornings since my retirement. I have known him about thirty years, ever since I started going there he has been a regular, and was for years before that, so I have been told. He used to come alone, a small almost birdlike man limping in well before seven most mornings, untouched by the querulous focus on ailments that are often the mark of age. Always polite and inevitably cheerful, he made light of his own infirmities. Later he used a walking stick and towards the end a walker, folding it carefully and placing it out of the way of the other patrons.
Continue reading “Goodbye, Mister Jim”

Missing Cat E-mail

Here’s an e-mail that I received recently, I found it hilarious.

Shannon (the cat owner) asks a mate (Dave) for help designing a poster, Dave appears to be some sort of budding designer, are you sitting comfortably?

Good, then I’ll begin…

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan. Continue reading “Missing Cat E-mail”

Retirement is Different for Everyone

One day, while going to the shop, I passed by a Retirement Village. On the
front lawn was six old ladies, lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way.

On my return trip, I passed the same Retirement Village with the same six old
ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the better of me & I went inside to talk to the

Retirement Village Administrator,

‘Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘They’re retired prostitutes – they’re having a garage sale.’

Lost In Translation

In the days when you couldn’t count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for “Water Closet”. Continue reading “Lost In Translation”