My friend had started a new job and he had taken to it like a smudge on a Polaroid print. All his colleagues are a good laugh and relations are great in the workforce, he said. The camaraderie is such that they spend a lot of their leisure time together as well. They had planned an evening out at a posh hotel. They were always going places and meeting up. Eager to meet these funny, interesting individuals I asked if I could come along.
“But you don’t know anyone,” said my friend “ You’ll just be sitting in the corner laughing at all the jokes.” Continue reading “For my next trick”
When Warner and Rogers left the pavilion separately this morning to bat at the Oval, a commentator was reminded of the days of the Gentlemen and Players, who disappeared (allegedly) from English cricket 50 years ago.
So I found this piece from Wisden which tells the tale.
Seated one day at the keyboard, I was weary and ill at ease, and my fingers wandered idly over the noisy keys……..(sorry Adelaide)……. when suddenly I noticed a tweet about the fourth Ashes test from (fanfare) Phil Slocombe! I was transported back to the darkest days of MyT when the inimitable Qum Slo Feel (dubbed in honour of his long-sufferíng Chinese spouse resident with him in southern Spain) held forth on things sporting and topical. Had he re-emerged to cast his pearls before us once more?
No. The tweeting Mr Slocombe is a former cricketer for Somerset. A rose by any other name….. But I wonder if his namesake ever sold his house down on the Costas and returned to Chendu? Did Ron, his mate at McLaren, ever heed his advice? Did the judiciary of Chester ever appoint a better JP? Ah, the memories….
“In Greece tax inspectors have found that one in two businesses are cheating them. The rate is 56% on tourist islands like Mykonos and Crete, ” quoth Gavin of the Beeb, as if we should be shocked or otherwise impressed by the new-found diligence of the taxman.
Now bear in mind that I’m just a cynical old businessman who visited the Med and Middle East for 25 years from around the time the UK joined the EU (or somesuch). So I could be considered unduly aware of these things, eh? But to my certain knowledge business in those parts has long been conducted in ways least likely to benefit the Revenue or conform to local regulations.
My pic shows Mykonos mills used for public servants to tilt at.
One of the worst things in life is listening to other people’s ailments. Getting told the latest medical report from folk you barely know can be galling for a number of reasons. For one, it’s hard to be witty when someone you’re not that familiar with is giving you a car crash headache and another is that you’re suffering this barrage of bad news while trying to smokescreen a yawn. The perpetual groaners seem to revel in their pain. I’ve seen myself locked, piggy-in-the-middle, in a sickness session ménage à trois conversation with two swinging whingers trying to outdo each other in the illness stakes. The contest seemed to be who is the nearest to death’s door.
The only thing worse than hearing about the dooms and glooms of others is when someone tells you about the dream they had last night. In the name of Bobby Ewing, go away. Dreams are insignificant and instantly forgettable. I can’t remember any dream I’ve ever had and I must have had billions of them. Continue reading “A little diversion for the afternoon”
A certain Mandy Rice-Davies is alleged to have coined the oft-quoted question during the infamous (but juicy) Profumo trial 50 years ago; and the man himself had already averred in Parliament that there had been ‘no impropriety whatsoever’. But the papers relating to the Denning Report which wound it all up are still not available for us to slaver over, presumably because there are still some Great and Good chaps around whose reputations might fade in the glare of exposure. http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2013/jul/18/simon-hoggart-sketch-profumo-scandal-lords .
While cleaning out my old blogs I came across this. This is a slightly revised version and didn’t we all love revision.
***** The plethora of teenage slasher movies in recent years are all based on the true story of a mysterious assailant who targeted schoolchildren in a Scottish school circa 1982. All of the following is true.
One of the perks given to the fifth and sixth year pupils in the comprehensive was that they could take their lunch in the games room far away from the pell-mell. The games room had comfortable chairs that ringed-a-round the perimeter walls, though the various cliques rearranged the seating in their preferred way; normally an enclosed circle. Three net less table tennis tables stood in the centre of the room, nobody played on them, there were no bats, there were no balls, they kept getting pinched. These tables were used as overspill seating and tabling for late coming pupils. Continue reading “Hit came from Outer Space”
The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.
This terrifying tale, Knock, was written by Fredric Brown based on a plot by Thomas Bailey Aldrich. It’s a little story with a big history.
Seeing this yarn as a challenge to myself because I do write exceedingly short stories I wanted to outdo or out little perhaps Brown’s vignette. The bin was overflowing with discarded foolscap of inferior text and threatening to drown me with paper. Struggling to breathe over the sea of A4 at last I finished my saga.
I tap your shoulder. Boo.
These five little words are cinematic in their scope. Consider it, how many times has the camera frightened the audience by giving them a sudden jerk by revealing quickly an unknown entity in their midst. This trick is called in the game- the jump scare. My “jump scare” short story may be filmed, we’ll have to wait and see. The text is frightening enough what will it be like accompanied by creepy music?
My publisher informed me that Quick Books are interested in my work. Quick books are a new company that specialise in condensing major pieces of fiction making them accessible for readers that don’t have time to complete the full novel. Therefore they will be printing an abridged version of my tour-de-force. I am quite happy to re-print the Quick Books adaptation here for your delectation.
What is it they say? Death, divorce and dimissal cause most stress and turmoil? Well, just add Disruption by Removal!
When we arrived on 6th May, all but our beds and a few essentials went into the barn – fifty boxes included! And since then we have slowly reclaimed the house room-by-room from the crew who have been re-laying floors, refitting the bathroom and installing new bits of pumbing and wiring for the kitchen appliances. It was all supposed to be done before we arrived but the best laid plans of mice and men…. The main thing is we’re more than happy with the result – a spacious, comfortable farmhouse away from the madding crowd.
And tomorrow we’re promised the arrival of this little puppy:
I thought I’d reassure the cherished non-Cambrians hereabouts that the wild and woolly practices of mountain-dwellers are frowned on by the Courts and it’s best not even to mention them!
Boadicea's Chariot 
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