Author: zenrules

64,MS,wheelchair,angry

BBQ Rules

Now this is a man’s BBQ!!!!

BBQ RULES :

We’ll be entering the BBQ season in a few months. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

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Politics, bloody politics

All my life I have been interested in Politics, following events closely and keeping myself au fait with the prevailing trends. However, this General Election Campaign has been thoroughly unbearable. It seems to have been going on for the last 12 months and, quite honestly, I am bored to death with the whole rigmarole. In fact, what with the Expenses Scandal, an unelected Prime Minister, and two not very impressive Pretenders I have, for the first time in my life made a Protest Vote – I have a postal vote, and it’s gone! I was more interested in watching the Snooker final last night, than the communal mudslinging on the News. Somehow, I don’t think I am alone in my ennuie. Bring back Oliver Cromwell, or Winston Churchill, and let’s have some leadership!

Cat in Heaven

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.’

The cat thought for a minute and then said, ‘All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.’

God said, ‘Say no more.’ Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat

The mice said, ‘Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.’
God answered, ‘It is done.’ All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, ‘Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?’

The cat replied, ‘Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!’